Check out my Bypass Twin!
Wow - Diana is looking hotter than hell, isn't she?? Below is her before pic and her nine-month pics! WOWOWOW! I am so proud of you Diana! xoxo
posted by Melissa :-) @ 7:07 PM
0 comments
9.30.2005
Post-Op Day 274: 125 pounds gone!
Today I weighed in at 199...wow. I am smiling so big just typing that! I love looking at my little progress chart...
I just wanted to share that. The past two days have been very stressful at work, so I don't really want to talk about it now. Let's just celebrate the fact that I've lost 125 pounds as of today. I simply cannot believe it!
Thank You God.
I just wanted to share that. The past two days have been very stressful at work, so I don't really want to talk about it now. Let's just celebrate the fact that I've lost 125 pounds as of today. I simply cannot believe it!
Thank You God.
posted by Melissa :-) @ 6:18 PM
0 comments
9.29.2005
Post-Op Day 273: Happy 9-month anniversary to me! :-)
Well the official monthly weigh-in total for this month is 199.5!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That means I lost 9.5 pounds this past month and my BMI is 31.3.
In nine months I have lost 124.5 pounds, dropped 19 BMI points and have made it to ONE-DERLAND!!!! I cannot believe it!! I am just so excited!
I never dreamed I could make it back to the 100s again, but I did it. This surgery is so absolutely amazing! It gives you your life back! Goodbye 320s, 310s, 300s, 290s, 280s, 270s, 260s, 250s, 240s, 230s, 220s, 210s and 200s!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank You so much GOD!!!!!!!
That means I lost 9.5 pounds this past month and my BMI is 31.3.
In nine months I have lost 124.5 pounds, dropped 19 BMI points and have made it to ONE-DERLAND!!!! I cannot believe it!! I am just so excited!
I never dreamed I could make it back to the 100s again, but I did it. This surgery is so absolutely amazing! It gives you your life back! Goodbye 320s, 310s, 300s, 290s, 280s, 270s, 260s, 250s, 240s, 230s, 220s, 210s and 200s!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank You so much GOD!!!!!!!
posted by Melissa :-) @ 7:20 AM
0 comments
9.27.2005
My thoughts on reaching Onederland...
This is what I posted to my doctor's support group:
Well, the scale has said it three days in a row, so I am counting it as official: I am FINALLY IN ONEDERLAND at 199.5!!!! I haven't weighed in the 100s since high school - which is about 15 years ago!!! I cannot believe it!!!
I remember when I was starting out at 324 pounds on Dec. 29, 2004, I was just eager to get out of the 300s! When I crossed into the 200s, I felt such a sense of relief. I knew I didn't have to go back there unless I wanted to - and of course I didn't want to! At that point, I couldn't even imagine getting into the 100s.
As I've traveled through the 200s, the reality that I might once more make it back to the 100s began to hit me. I think it seemed attainable when I hit 249 lbs. Now I am here, I just can't help but think "WOWOWOOWOWOOWOWOWOW!"
It's amazing how much a .5 pound loss can change things in your mind. The numbers 200 and 199.5 are just a hair apart but, in many ways, they're a complete world apart, you know? I now finally feel like I am in the homestretch!
I figure I will bounce back and forth for a little bit until I am firmly planted in the 100s. Still, just to register that number on the scale is a victory for me beyond words! It looks so weird to see a "1" leading off my weight! I never dreamed I would lose 124.5 and hit the 100s in less than nine months after my surgery. God is so good!
This journey has so many victories along the way. I've worked to celebrate them all and to be appreciative of what I have been given. Still, there are some victories that stand out more than others - and this has been the ultimate one yet. :-)
My next goal is to hit 191 - which will make me simply "overweight" on the BMI charts, as I am 5'7". It floors me how I could lose almost 125 pounds and still be considered "obese." It really opens my eye to just how unhealthy I was before my surgery. I think I was in denial, but that reality sure woke me up! It scares me to think where I would be now if I hadn't had the surgery.
I still have 40.5 more pounds to my goal weight. When I hit 159, I will be at the highest BMI to be considered "normal." I am sure when I get there, I will want to get to about 150 or so I have some breathing room. However, I need a goal to focus on and 159 is it for right now.
It's funny, when I went to Weight Watchers all 15 or so times, I used to be so jealous of those women who said they had to lose 40 pounds. I use to think - "That's nothing compared to needing to lose 165 or so pounds!" Now I am there and I can't believe it. And yes, 40 now seems like a lot now to me. haha But I will just keep pushing on and doing my best.
I am so grateful for this tool, the expertise of Dr. Naaman and the love and support of all of you on this journey as well.
Anyway, just had to share! :-)
Love,
Melissa
LAP RNY - Dr. Naaman
Dec. 29, 2004
324/199.5!!!/159
http://melissastransformation.homestead.com/
Well, the scale has said it three days in a row, so I am counting it as official: I am FINALLY IN ONEDERLAND at 199.5!!!! I haven't weighed in the 100s since high school - which is about 15 years ago!!! I cannot believe it!!!
I remember when I was starting out at 324 pounds on Dec. 29, 2004, I was just eager to get out of the 300s! When I crossed into the 200s, I felt such a sense of relief. I knew I didn't have to go back there unless I wanted to - and of course I didn't want to! At that point, I couldn't even imagine getting into the 100s.
As I've traveled through the 200s, the reality that I might once more make it back to the 100s began to hit me. I think it seemed attainable when I hit 249 lbs. Now I am here, I just can't help but think "WOWOWOOWOWOOWOWOWOW!"
It's amazing how much a .5 pound loss can change things in your mind. The numbers 200 and 199.5 are just a hair apart but, in many ways, they're a complete world apart, you know? I now finally feel like I am in the homestretch!
I figure I will bounce back and forth for a little bit until I am firmly planted in the 100s. Still, just to register that number on the scale is a victory for me beyond words! It looks so weird to see a "1" leading off my weight! I never dreamed I would lose 124.5 and hit the 100s in less than nine months after my surgery. God is so good!
This journey has so many victories along the way. I've worked to celebrate them all and to be appreciative of what I have been given. Still, there are some victories that stand out more than others - and this has been the ultimate one yet. :-)
My next goal is to hit 191 - which will make me simply "overweight" on the BMI charts, as I am 5'7". It floors me how I could lose almost 125 pounds and still be considered "obese." It really opens my eye to just how unhealthy I was before my surgery. I think I was in denial, but that reality sure woke me up! It scares me to think where I would be now if I hadn't had the surgery.
I still have 40.5 more pounds to my goal weight. When I hit 159, I will be at the highest BMI to be considered "normal." I am sure when I get there, I will want to get to about 150 or so I have some breathing room. However, I need a goal to focus on and 159 is it for right now.
It's funny, when I went to Weight Watchers all 15 or so times, I used to be so jealous of those women who said they had to lose 40 pounds. I use to think - "That's nothing compared to needing to lose 165 or so pounds!" Now I am there and I can't believe it. And yes, 40 now seems like a lot now to me. haha But I will just keep pushing on and doing my best.
I am so grateful for this tool, the expertise of Dr. Naaman and the love and support of all of you on this journey as well.
Anyway, just had to share! :-)
Love,
Melissa
LAP RNY - Dr. Naaman
Dec. 29, 2004
324/199.5!!!/159
http://melissastransformation.homestead.com/
posted by Melissa :-) @ 11:06 AM
0 comments
Post-Op Day 272: Getting life back to normal
All is pretty normal around here except for one thing: We still have no hot water!
When Scott returned yesterday, he was able to turn the gas on but our pilot light on our hot-water heater is broken. So we are still without hot water. The company who installed it said they can be out between noon and 5. If they come early enough, I can grab a shower (finally!!!) and go to work.
Otherwise, life is going great. I am trying to keep it all in perspective because I've seen how awful things can be!
Last night I went to McDonald's. The line was still realllllly backed up. My eyes were bigger than my pouch. I got three cheeseburgers (I don't eat the buns ever) and a large fries. I barely ate one patty and a handful of fries. haha It's amazing how your brain still thinks in pre-op terms. I am glad I can't eat that much though.
As for the scale, it once more read 199.5 - so I guess it's official: I AM IN ONEDERLAND!!!! While I have barely crossed over, I will take whatever I can get! :-) I am sure I will do some bouncing around before I get firmly planted in Onederland, but it's just thrilling to know I have finally arrived! :-) YAYAY!
Ok I am going to check work emails and do some things as I wait for hot water.
Thank You God for Your many blessings and mercies.
xoxo
posted by Melissa :-) @ 8:45 AM
0 comments
9.26.2005
Some photos from the past week....
Some photos from the past week in Huntsville where I stayed....
This was the sky before Hurricane Rita rolled through...
Luckily, all we had is lots of limb debris scattered about! 
Here's Katie checking things out after the storm :-)
This was the sky before Hurricane Rita rolled through...Katie's beard was blowing in the gusty winds as the storm approached...
Here's Katie safe inside as the high winds and rain blew through Huntsville...
Luckily, all we had is lots of limb debris scattered about! Here's Katie checking things out after the storm :-)
posted by Melissa :-) @ 1:24 PM
0 comments
Post-Op Day 271: Back online
I am finally back online! I once more feel connected with the world! It's amazing how we ever functioned before the Internet. haha
I just posted the entry I wrote yesterday. As I re-read it, I still cannot believe all that has gone on this past week. Wow...Incredible.
It's hard to believe it's Monday. We're out of work right now, but will return tomorrow. I remember when I left on Wednesday, the fear and the unknown were looming. We'd tell each other, "See you on the other side." We had no idea if our work or our friends would survive. I am just so thankful that we were not impacted as we could have been.
I feel so bad for the people in Beaumont, Port Arthur and the surrounding areas. My best friend Liz lives in Beaumont. I pray her home is ok. I have other friends who have family in that area as well. I pray for them all.
The scale showed both 199.5 and 200 this morning. I know I am right on that line. I thought I would be more happier today, but I just feel so out of sorts with everything. I wish I were eating better more than anything. I find myself eating just random junk. I've not gone overboard or started stress eating. Often I have to tell myself to eat. But when I do eat, it's nothing really healthy for me. I think once I get back into a routine, I will get things straightened out.
When I hit 199, that means I will have only 40 more pounds to my 159 lb. goal. I cannot imagine I will only have 40 pounds to lose. That's so doable. I am still so thrilled with my surgery. I know if this was last year, I would have gained 10 pounds this past week from stress eating. It would have given me the perfect excuse to eat all the candy, cakes and other comfort food I wanted. So while I know I could be eating better now, I realize I could be eating a whole helluva lot worse!
Anyway, I am going to go nap. I just wanted to get back online and get my life back to normal as much as possible. This too shall pass.
Thank You God for everything.
I just posted the entry I wrote yesterday. As I re-read it, I still cannot believe all that has gone on this past week. Wow...Incredible.
It's hard to believe it's Monday. We're out of work right now, but will return tomorrow. I remember when I left on Wednesday, the fear and the unknown were looming. We'd tell each other, "See you on the other side." We had no idea if our work or our friends would survive. I am just so thankful that we were not impacted as we could have been.
I feel so bad for the people in Beaumont, Port Arthur and the surrounding areas. My best friend Liz lives in Beaumont. I pray her home is ok. I have other friends who have family in that area as well. I pray for them all.
The scale showed both 199.5 and 200 this morning. I know I am right on that line. I thought I would be more happier today, but I just feel so out of sorts with everything. I wish I were eating better more than anything. I find myself eating just random junk. I've not gone overboard or started stress eating. Often I have to tell myself to eat. But when I do eat, it's nothing really healthy for me. I think once I get back into a routine, I will get things straightened out.
When I hit 199, that means I will have only 40 more pounds to my 159 lb. goal. I cannot imagine I will only have 40 pounds to lose. That's so doable. I am still so thrilled with my surgery. I know if this was last year, I would have gained 10 pounds this past week from stress eating. It would have given me the perfect excuse to eat all the candy, cakes and other comfort food I wanted. So while I know I could be eating better now, I realize I could be eating a whole helluva lot worse!
Anyway, I am going to go nap. I just wanted to get back online and get my life back to normal as much as possible. This too shall pass.
Thank You God for everything.
posted by Melissa :-) @ 1:13 PM
0 comments
Post-Op Day 270: We survived Rita!
I don’t have Internet access today (Sunday, September 25, 2005), but I wanted to capture my thoughts.
We survived the Hurricane Rita evacuation! What a long week this has been. OMG it’s been horrendous. You know, you never imagine yourself going through a national incident. You see things on TV and you think, “Those poor people.” However, you’re emotionally removed from it all no matter how much you empathize.
I never dreamed in a million years I would have to go through my house and try to decide what I could leave behind to possibly perish. I never dreamed that I would have to imagine my life without my home. I never dreamed that I would be able to drive away not knowing if it all would be here when I returned.
However, the thing I never dreamed in a million years is that I would have to hug and kiss my husband goodbye in our driveway as I had to leave him and drive away – not knowing if his office building would survive a Category 5 hurricane. Luckily, Hurricane Rita missed our region and it came ashore as a Category 3, but still – when I left Scott behind, it was a Cat 5 and it was barreling toward the Galveston/Houston area.
I was so angry/frustrated/scared at that moment. I sobbed before I left because I knew I had to say goodbye to him and our house in such a time of uncertainty and fear. As I drove off, the magnitude of my love for him and our life together really hit me. I mean, I know how much I love Scott and our life together – but at that moment, it hit with full force.
Once I got on the tollway at 12:30 a.m., I realized what was in store for me. I had 100 miles to go and it took me three hours to go the first two of those miles. Just as the national news showed, the traffic out of Houston was horrendous to say the least. All told, it took me 15 hours to go 100 miles. The first 12 hours, I only went 31 or so miles.
I never dreamed I could survive something so awful. I just wanted to turn back, but I knew I couldn’t. That experience is something I will never forget. Neither will I forget this horrible gas shortage nor the long lines everywhere – fast-food restaurants, grocery stores, etc.
I felt so blessed to finally arrive at my in-laws. Unlike so many others, I had safe surroundings, a bed to sleep in, my own shower, a bathroom, food, television – the basics that others didn’t have. Thank You God for those blessings.
My in-laws were fabulous in making me feel at home. I will never forget their hospitality. Katie and I both enjoyed our stay despite the situation at hand.
I was so relieved when Scott reported back that our home was intact with no damage and we had power. I had begun to pack up my stuff Saturday afternoon after sitting in line for more than a half-hour to get gasoline. Once I got word that the house was once again livable, I finished packing and headed home at 10 p.m. I was afraid of another long drive. However, it was smooth sailing. I got home by midnight. What a difference driving two hours makes over 15!
It was wonderful sleeping in my own bed! OMG I never felt anything better in my life I think. Unfortunately Scott had to return to work and didn’t have time to turn on the gas, so I am without hot water. I still soaked in a lukewarm tub before bed, and it was wonderful!! As I soaked, I just laid there thinking how blessed we are to still have our home.
I slept nice and sound. All day today I’ve been half lazy-half busy. I cleaned most of the house before putting back the things I packed. I still have to unpack my clothes and business papers, but other than that – things are back to normal.
Oh! I went to the grocery early this morning and it was a freaking madhouse! People were backed up to the meat department and also to the dairy department. I bet lines were 15-20 people deep. It was insane. Luckily I got into the quickest line. I had a lot of stuff since I had to replenish what was in our fridge and freezer that I had to throw out. I am so glad I got that over with!
All is well except that I miss Scott so damn much. Not only did he work through the hurricane, he’s staying in a hotel room across the street from his job so that he can keep things going at work until the team can return. I know he is focused on his job, but I wish he knew how much him not being with me has affected me. Sometimes you just need to be with your husband, you know?
I am so very proud of him, though, for being such a dedicated hard worker. I admire his tenacity and endurance. He is amazing, and I love him so much. When I see him, it will be awesome.
Finally, the scale showed that I am at 199.5 this morning. Before I truly embrace the number, I want to see it several times on the scale first. With everything that’s going on, I believe my weight will fluctuate.
I have to say that I was thrilled to see the number on the scale. However, with all that’s going on, I probably wasn’t as excited as I would have been prior to all this craziness. I think if I see it tomorrow, I will be able to process it more. I am excited…trust me. It’s just that my senses are dulled from the senses overload I’ve been under.
I am exhausted, so I am going to bed. I will post this as soon as I can once I get back online.
Thank You God soooooooooooooooo much for protecting Scott, Katie, my friends, strangers and me. You are Amazing God!
We survived the Hurricane Rita evacuation! What a long week this has been. OMG it’s been horrendous. You know, you never imagine yourself going through a national incident. You see things on TV and you think, “Those poor people.” However, you’re emotionally removed from it all no matter how much you empathize.
I never dreamed in a million years I would have to go through my house and try to decide what I could leave behind to possibly perish. I never dreamed that I would have to imagine my life without my home. I never dreamed that I would be able to drive away not knowing if it all would be here when I returned.
However, the thing I never dreamed in a million years is that I would have to hug and kiss my husband goodbye in our driveway as I had to leave him and drive away – not knowing if his office building would survive a Category 5 hurricane. Luckily, Hurricane Rita missed our region and it came ashore as a Category 3, but still – when I left Scott behind, it was a Cat 5 and it was barreling toward the Galveston/Houston area.
I was so angry/frustrated/scared at that moment. I sobbed before I left because I knew I had to say goodbye to him and our house in such a time of uncertainty and fear. As I drove off, the magnitude of my love for him and our life together really hit me. I mean, I know how much I love Scott and our life together – but at that moment, it hit with full force.
Once I got on the tollway at 12:30 a.m., I realized what was in store for me. I had 100 miles to go and it took me three hours to go the first two of those miles. Just as the national news showed, the traffic out of Houston was horrendous to say the least. All told, it took me 15 hours to go 100 miles. The first 12 hours, I only went 31 or so miles.
I never dreamed I could survive something so awful. I just wanted to turn back, but I knew I couldn’t. That experience is something I will never forget. Neither will I forget this horrible gas shortage nor the long lines everywhere – fast-food restaurants, grocery stores, etc.
I felt so blessed to finally arrive at my in-laws. Unlike so many others, I had safe surroundings, a bed to sleep in, my own shower, a bathroom, food, television – the basics that others didn’t have. Thank You God for those blessings.
My in-laws were fabulous in making me feel at home. I will never forget their hospitality. Katie and I both enjoyed our stay despite the situation at hand.
I was so relieved when Scott reported back that our home was intact with no damage and we had power. I had begun to pack up my stuff Saturday afternoon after sitting in line for more than a half-hour to get gasoline. Once I got word that the house was once again livable, I finished packing and headed home at 10 p.m. I was afraid of another long drive. However, it was smooth sailing. I got home by midnight. What a difference driving two hours makes over 15!
It was wonderful sleeping in my own bed! OMG I never felt anything better in my life I think. Unfortunately Scott had to return to work and didn’t have time to turn on the gas, so I am without hot water. I still soaked in a lukewarm tub before bed, and it was wonderful!! As I soaked, I just laid there thinking how blessed we are to still have our home.
I slept nice and sound. All day today I’ve been half lazy-half busy. I cleaned most of the house before putting back the things I packed. I still have to unpack my clothes and business papers, but other than that – things are back to normal.
Oh! I went to the grocery early this morning and it was a freaking madhouse! People were backed up to the meat department and also to the dairy department. I bet lines were 15-20 people deep. It was insane. Luckily I got into the quickest line. I had a lot of stuff since I had to replenish what was in our fridge and freezer that I had to throw out. I am so glad I got that over with!
All is well except that I miss Scott so damn much. Not only did he work through the hurricane, he’s staying in a hotel room across the street from his job so that he can keep things going at work until the team can return. I know he is focused on his job, but I wish he knew how much him not being with me has affected me. Sometimes you just need to be with your husband, you know?
I am so very proud of him, though, for being such a dedicated hard worker. I admire his tenacity and endurance. He is amazing, and I love him so much. When I see him, it will be awesome.
Finally, the scale showed that I am at 199.5 this morning. Before I truly embrace the number, I want to see it several times on the scale first. With everything that’s going on, I believe my weight will fluctuate.
I have to say that I was thrilled to see the number on the scale. However, with all that’s going on, I probably wasn’t as excited as I would have been prior to all this craziness. I think if I see it tomorrow, I will be able to process it more. I am excited…trust me. It’s just that my senses are dulled from the senses overload I’ve been under.
I am exhausted, so I am going to bed. I will post this as soon as I can once I get back online.
Thank You God soooooooooooooooo much for protecting Scott, Katie, my friends, strangers and me. You are Amazing God!
posted by Melissa :-) @ 1:07 PM
0 comments
9.21.2005
Post-Op Day 266: Thank God for my new tiny tummy
If I still had my old stomach size, I would probably gain five pounds today alone on stress eating. Luckily with my gastric bypass, I can only stuff about two thumbs-size worth of food down right now.
Hurricane Rita is bearing down on the Texas coast - currently at a Category 5. I just learned a few hours ago that my husband is going to ride out the hurricane from his office building in Houston. So that leaves Katie and me to drive to his parents' house house all alone. I was not happy with this at all when I learned. I don't want to be without my husband in a time of crisis.
I understand that he is considered essential personnel. If I were still a journalist, I would probably have chosen to ride it out here in town myself. So, I do understand his dedication to his job. I know Exxon will take good care of him with food, water, sturdy shelter and medical care. It's just scary to leave your husband behind in something so unpredictable. I am terrified inside.
This day has been like a dream. I was at Walmart this morning at 6:30 a.m. and it was a zoo. At work, it was a ghost town as only a few of us were there to pack up our computers and take care of some essential things. It's weird to see on national news that Johnson Space Center is closed. I forget that the rest of the country might think that's a big deal.
The roads are packed, gas stations have huge lines, banks are running out of cash - it's sheer craziness. I am glued to the TV. I want to overeat so badly in some ways; but in other ways I don't want to eat at all. What I have eaten, I've eaten very little of it. I am grazing more than anything, but I am quickly realizing food is no longer a satisfier.
I've got most of my stuff loaded up. I am waiting to pack the essentials until it is time to go. I bathed Katie so she wouldn't be a stinky dog for get "grandparents." She is going to be so confused and lost. I wish I could explain this to her.
Our neighbors are boarding up their windows. We're not. Not enough time or supplies. It's so freaky to see our neighborhood in this shape. There's just a sense of anxiety in the air all around.
I feel sorry for my parents back in Indiana. It must be torture knowing your child has to go through this and you can't be together. Mom was going to offer to fly me and Katie back since Scott's riding it out, but I told her it's way too late for that now.
Anyway...this will definitely be my last post until it's all over. Please say a prayer for us and all affected.
God please bless us all.
Hurricane Rita is bearing down on the Texas coast - currently at a Category 5. I just learned a few hours ago that my husband is going to ride out the hurricane from his office building in Houston. So that leaves Katie and me to drive to his parents' house house all alone. I was not happy with this at all when I learned. I don't want to be without my husband in a time of crisis.
I understand that he is considered essential personnel. If I were still a journalist, I would probably have chosen to ride it out here in town myself. So, I do understand his dedication to his job. I know Exxon will take good care of him with food, water, sturdy shelter and medical care. It's just scary to leave your husband behind in something so unpredictable. I am terrified inside.
This day has been like a dream. I was at Walmart this morning at 6:30 a.m. and it was a zoo. At work, it was a ghost town as only a few of us were there to pack up our computers and take care of some essential things. It's weird to see on national news that Johnson Space Center is closed. I forget that the rest of the country might think that's a big deal.
The roads are packed, gas stations have huge lines, banks are running out of cash - it's sheer craziness. I am glued to the TV. I want to overeat so badly in some ways; but in other ways I don't want to eat at all. What I have eaten, I've eaten very little of it. I am grazing more than anything, but I am quickly realizing food is no longer a satisfier.
I've got most of my stuff loaded up. I am waiting to pack the essentials until it is time to go. I bathed Katie so she wouldn't be a stinky dog for get "grandparents." She is going to be so confused and lost. I wish I could explain this to her.
Our neighbors are boarding up their windows. We're not. Not enough time or supplies. It's so freaky to see our neighborhood in this shape. There's just a sense of anxiety in the air all around.
I feel sorry for my parents back in Indiana. It must be torture knowing your child has to go through this and you can't be together. Mom was going to offer to fly me and Katie back since Scott's riding it out, but I told her it's way too late for that now.
Anyway...this will definitely be my last post until it's all over. Please say a prayer for us and all affected.
God please bless us all.
posted by Melissa :-) @ 3:30 PM
0 comments
9.20.2005
Post-Op Day 265: Where do I even begin?
Gosh it's been a while. Things have been nuts and my weight is stuck at 201 lbs. Anyway, the craziness started with Thursday...
After I wrote in my blog that day, I received a phone call that one of my employees/friends was in the hospital. I, along with most of my team, spent the entire morning with her as she was in horrible pain. I didn't go into work until after they wheeled her into the surgery.
While it was learned that has she had major infection all over her reproductive system, doctors still to this day don't know what caused it. I am so just so relieved she pulled through, but I am frustrated that she has no answers.
Let's see what else...
I was up all that night sick to my stomach. Then I had a rather low-key weekend. Scott and I went out Saturday and had fun, though I got sick to my stomach again that night too. It wasn't back like the first time, but it still dampened my spirits a little. I just love spending time with him, and I never want anything like that to get in the way.
Finally, the topic of yesterday and today has been the looming Hurricane Rita. Reports have been back and forth repeatedly about how it's going to hit here and the how it's not going to hit here and so on. It's scaring the hell out of me - that's all I know for sure. I am from Indiana and have never through this kind of craziness.
Today most of my team made plans to evacuate the area tomorrow. I plan to work and then we're going to my in-laws on Thursday. Today I left work early to get my truck maintenanced and so I could begin packing.
Do you know how horribly hard it is to try and decide what's the most important things in your life? It's all valuable or I wouldn't have it! Of course my husband and my dog are my two most valuable things...but after that, you struggle. I've packed away important paperwork and photos. However, there's so much more that means a lot.
Plus, just the fear of thinking that this beautiful home we just built last year could be damaged. Scott reminds me that insurance will cover it all. However, it's all of our hopes and dreams. I love our home so much, and I constantly am amazed that I could have something this nice in my life. It's far from a mansion, but it's ours, you know?
Anyway, I've been glued to the tv, and I will keep watching tonight and tomorrow to see how this thing is going to start shaping up. I don't know if I will post again before evacuating. If I don't, I will write when I return.
God - please bless us all.
After I wrote in my blog that day, I received a phone call that one of my employees/friends was in the hospital. I, along with most of my team, spent the entire morning with her as she was in horrible pain. I didn't go into work until after they wheeled her into the surgery.
While it was learned that has she had major infection all over her reproductive system, doctors still to this day don't know what caused it. I am so just so relieved she pulled through, but I am frustrated that she has no answers.
Let's see what else...
I was up all that night sick to my stomach. Then I had a rather low-key weekend. Scott and I went out Saturday and had fun, though I got sick to my stomach again that night too. It wasn't back like the first time, but it still dampened my spirits a little. I just love spending time with him, and I never want anything like that to get in the way.
Finally, the topic of yesterday and today has been the looming Hurricane Rita. Reports have been back and forth repeatedly about how it's going to hit here and the how it's not going to hit here and so on. It's scaring the hell out of me - that's all I know for sure. I am from Indiana and have never through this kind of craziness.
Today most of my team made plans to evacuate the area tomorrow. I plan to work and then we're going to my in-laws on Thursday. Today I left work early to get my truck maintenanced and so I could begin packing.
Do you know how horribly hard it is to try and decide what's the most important things in your life? It's all valuable or I wouldn't have it! Of course my husband and my dog are my two most valuable things...but after that, you struggle. I've packed away important paperwork and photos. However, there's so much more that means a lot.
Plus, just the fear of thinking that this beautiful home we just built last year could be damaged. Scott reminds me that insurance will cover it all. However, it's all of our hopes and dreams. I love our home so much, and I constantly am amazed that I could have something this nice in my life. It's far from a mansion, but it's ours, you know?
Anyway, I've been glued to the tv, and I will keep watching tonight and tomorrow to see how this thing is going to start shaping up. I don't know if I will post again before evacuating. If I don't, I will write when I return.
God - please bless us all.
posted by Melissa :-) @ 8:00 PM
0 comments
9.16.2005
Happiness
Happiness is not a destination; it is a manner of traveling. Happiness is not an end in itself.
~ Haim Ginott ~
Do you allow yourself to be happy?
I know that's an odd question, but the answer can be surprising. Many do not allow themselves to be happy. Instead, they get so focused on their goals that they deny themselves an important pleasure of living.
When you first started on this journey, did you lose the first week? If so, did you allow yourself to be happy with it, or did you think, "I thought I was going to lose more" or "Well, it's a start but I have so much more to go"?
And, as you have progressed on your journey, do you cheer yourself on and find joy in the overall process? Or do you always beat yourself up when you stay the same, gain or you simply feel you are not losing enough?
How about when you reach a milestone -- for example, 25 lbs. lost. Do you celebrate the moment with smiles and happiness, or do you just set your sights on the next goal and try to push past that number as quickly as you can?
When WILL you allow yourself to be happy? When will you bask in what is good in your life?
Do you deny yourself the joys of the moment so you can have some mystical happiness at the end? This journey is meant for celebrations along the way -- not emotional punishment.
Every day try to find something to be truly happy about:
You gained? Ok, but isn't it awesome you've lost weight on previous days? This is just a momentary setback in the Big Picture!
You didn't lose as much as you want? Well rejoice that the scale is going in the right direction! Think about life before this lifestyle change and where your weight was heading.
Is it going to take at least a year and a half to lose all of your weight? Smile in knowing you have a bright future ahead of you! Imagine what a year and a half would have brought if you had continued eating like you were before changing your life.
Remember: Happiness is NOT an end in itself.
I encourage you to travel in happiness each and every day of your life. By the time you reach goal, you will have some fantastic memories and lots of energy for living healthy.
Growth opportunity for the day: Identify how you limit your happiness. Examine why you do it and determine how you can change those negative feelings into positive energy.
~ Haim Ginott ~
Do you allow yourself to be happy?
I know that's an odd question, but the answer can be surprising. Many do not allow themselves to be happy. Instead, they get so focused on their goals that they deny themselves an important pleasure of living.
When you first started on this journey, did you lose the first week? If so, did you allow yourself to be happy with it, or did you think, "I thought I was going to lose more" or "Well, it's a start but I have so much more to go"?
And, as you have progressed on your journey, do you cheer yourself on and find joy in the overall process? Or do you always beat yourself up when you stay the same, gain or you simply feel you are not losing enough?
How about when you reach a milestone -- for example, 25 lbs. lost. Do you celebrate the moment with smiles and happiness, or do you just set your sights on the next goal and try to push past that number as quickly as you can?
When WILL you allow yourself to be happy? When will you bask in what is good in your life?
Do you deny yourself the joys of the moment so you can have some mystical happiness at the end? This journey is meant for celebrations along the way -- not emotional punishment.
Every day try to find something to be truly happy about:
You gained? Ok, but isn't it awesome you've lost weight on previous days? This is just a momentary setback in the Big Picture!
You didn't lose as much as you want? Well rejoice that the scale is going in the right direction! Think about life before this lifestyle change and where your weight was heading.
Is it going to take at least a year and a half to lose all of your weight? Smile in knowing you have a bright future ahead of you! Imagine what a year and a half would have brought if you had continued eating like you were before changing your life.
Remember: Happiness is NOT an end in itself.
I encourage you to travel in happiness each and every day of your life. By the time you reach goal, you will have some fantastic memories and lots of energy for living healthy.
Growth opportunity for the day: Identify how you limit your happiness. Examine why you do it and determine how you can change those negative feelings into positive energy.
posted by Melissa :-) @ 11:16 PM
0 comments
9.15.2005
Relationships
There are two types of people. Those we who come into a room and say, "Well, here I am!" and those who come in and say, "Ah, there you are."
~ Frederick L. Collins ~
What a quirky little quote. I almost passed it by. However, a very real lesson is to be learned in this funny little thought.
In your weight-loss journey, there might be those in your lives who try to derail your efforts. Sometimes their attempts are obvious. However, sometimes their damaging actions are so discreet they might not realize they are doing them. You still must be on the lookout.
What your friends and loved ones say to you and in the manner in which they say it can be very telling. They might plant seeds of doubt in your minds, or compliment you in a condescending way.
It also might be in their actions – giving you inappropriate food for gifts or taking you to dinner at restaurants with unhealthy menu items they know you find hard to resist. They might just ignore you and never compliment you on your successes.
Some people find it hard to cope when you are taking charge of your life, getting healthy and looking more fit. Perhaps they are threatened by or even jealous of your new life. People have learned to deal with you at your starting weight and shape. By changing, you are pulling the rug out from under them and some don’t know how to deal with that – especially the ones who walk into the room and say, “Well, here I am!”
Keep in mind, though, that you could very well become that “Well, here I am!” person too. When your body starts changing and you start feeling better physically, a whole new world will be yours. Handle the change with care or you might lose some very important people in your life. Enjoy your success – you deserve it. Just don’t ignore others or rub people’s faces in it.
To be successful in your weight-loss journey, it is essential to surround yourself with the second type of people - the ones who say, “Ah, there you are.” We need friends and loved ones around us who lift us with their spirits. Those special people make our journey so much more enjoyable, fun and rewarding. Seek these types of people out and surround yourself with their love and light.
In addition, you need to BE like the second type of person too. Always strive to be a good friend and give unconditional love and support to others. You will be a role model to many people on your journey, whether you know it or not. While you will have many hours in the spotlight, don’t forget your friends and loved ones have equally important matters in their lives that deserve some recognition too.
Growth opportunity for the day: Which type of person are you – one who comes into a room and says, "Well, here I am!" or one who comes in and says, "Ah, there you are”? Were you like that before you started your journey? If not, what changed?
Now think of the important people in your life and identify which type of person they are. What makes you identify them that way? For those are the first type, what can you say or do to show them you need them to be the second type?
~ Frederick L. Collins ~
What a quirky little quote. I almost passed it by. However, a very real lesson is to be learned in this funny little thought.
In your weight-loss journey, there might be those in your lives who try to derail your efforts. Sometimes their attempts are obvious. However, sometimes their damaging actions are so discreet they might not realize they are doing them. You still must be on the lookout.
What your friends and loved ones say to you and in the manner in which they say it can be very telling. They might plant seeds of doubt in your minds, or compliment you in a condescending way.
It also might be in their actions – giving you inappropriate food for gifts or taking you to dinner at restaurants with unhealthy menu items they know you find hard to resist. They might just ignore you and never compliment you on your successes.
Some people find it hard to cope when you are taking charge of your life, getting healthy and looking more fit. Perhaps they are threatened by or even jealous of your new life. People have learned to deal with you at your starting weight and shape. By changing, you are pulling the rug out from under them and some don’t know how to deal with that – especially the ones who walk into the room and say, “Well, here I am!”
Keep in mind, though, that you could very well become that “Well, here I am!” person too. When your body starts changing and you start feeling better physically, a whole new world will be yours. Handle the change with care or you might lose some very important people in your life. Enjoy your success – you deserve it. Just don’t ignore others or rub people’s faces in it.
To be successful in your weight-loss journey, it is essential to surround yourself with the second type of people - the ones who say, “Ah, there you are.” We need friends and loved ones around us who lift us with their spirits. Those special people make our journey so much more enjoyable, fun and rewarding. Seek these types of people out and surround yourself with their love and light.
In addition, you need to BE like the second type of person too. Always strive to be a good friend and give unconditional love and support to others. You will be a role model to many people on your journey, whether you know it or not. While you will have many hours in the spotlight, don’t forget your friends and loved ones have equally important matters in their lives that deserve some recognition too.
Growth opportunity for the day: Which type of person are you – one who comes into a room and says, "Well, here I am!" or one who comes in and says, "Ah, there you are”? Were you like that before you started your journey? If not, what changed?
Now think of the important people in your life and identify which type of person they are. What makes you identify them that way? For those are the first type, what can you say or do to show them you need them to be the second type?
posted by Melissa :-) @ 6:50 AM
0 comments
Post-Op Day 260: Checking in
My weight stayed the same this morning, so nothing new to report on that front.
Work is still stressful as hell and sometimes I feel like I am going to explode. Not out of anger, just pressure from all the tension. I am monitoring that because I know that kind of stress isn't good for anyone, especially me and my rundown immune system. I'm recovering well from the surgery, but I know I am not 100 percent. I want to make sure that I don't make things bad for me.
Today should be fairly good. I do have to do some in-depth paperwork. I hate paperwork. However, other than that, I have my gastric bypass support group meeting at work this afternoon. And then Scott and I are going to meet up after work for our Thursday happy hour. I love that. It's not because of the drinking (I probably won't even drink-or maybe I will! haha)...it's more about sitting there talking, listening to the jukebox and just chilling out.
Anyway....On to the most exciting part of my day yesterday! I received, out of the blue, an email from Kimberly Taylor. She runs the bariatric program at the hospital where I had my surgery. She went a long, long way to help make me comfortable in the idea of having gastric bypass. Even as a post-op, she's done wonders in helping me keep my sanity when I've plateaued.
I remember the day I first talked to her on the phone when I was considering surgery, I was floored. She is AMAZING!!! She shared her surgery story, and then she listened as I talked through my fears. I've never felt so instantly connected to someone. She's one of those people you can't help but adore instantly.
Well, Kimberly has always loved my writing almost as I love hers. We have our own mutual admiration club I think. hehe She's really been spreading her wings lately and she is now a contributing writer to WLS Magazine - the premier magazine for us weight-loss surgery folks. I cannot WAIT to read her column. I'm a subscriber and I am so antsy to get my magazine!
Yesterday's e-mail from Kimberly blew me away. I've told her that I want to write my series of books. But you know, you never think that anyone really listens to you to the point that your dreams really sink into their minds. It's not that people don't care - it's just they have their own goals and dreams they're focused on. So, to receive an email from someone who actually is working to make my dreams come true touches me so deeply.
Here's what she said in her email entitled 'Hey there, Butterfly':
...I am wondering how your butterfly series is coming. I am asking because I am now a contributing writer for WLS Lifestyles magazine. I will have a regular column (if people like it) titled “Observations From an Obesity Overcomer” and am developing a good relationship with the publisher, Brian Davidson. Brian has also agreed to join the national committee of the ASBS Foundation’s Walk From Obesity, so that will give me further opportunity to develop the relationship with him in hopes that I’ll be able to pitch your butterfly book series to him.
So … get busy writing! I have big hopes and dreams for you. I know you have a lot to share with the world, beautiful butterfly!
OMG how incredible is that???????????????????????????????????????? It really fired me up! I sent her my plan and about six or seven or so writing samples. When I re-read what I've written, I was overwhelmed. Sometimes I can't believe this stuff has come from me. I know it's not me saying these things, but God speaking through me. I hope I will always keep my mind open to His message. Maybe that's why it's so hard to sit down and focus. There's so much He's putting in my mind, it's hard to get it all out through my fingers to type it!
So there you have it. I keep feeling like this is going to work out somehow. With an Angel helping me along the way, how can it not? It's almost scary to think that it COULD happen. It's like with our weight loss. It's exciting but scary as hell to realize your dreams. But, I am willing to take that chance. I really, really want to spend my life helping the obese and recovering obese. I feel it's my life's calling.
Ok I need to run. Thank You God for the miracles You bring to our lives each day. Let us be able to recognize them as such and be grateful.
xoxoox
Work is still stressful as hell and sometimes I feel like I am going to explode. Not out of anger, just pressure from all the tension. I am monitoring that because I know that kind of stress isn't good for anyone, especially me and my rundown immune system. I'm recovering well from the surgery, but I know I am not 100 percent. I want to make sure that I don't make things bad for me.
Today should be fairly good. I do have to do some in-depth paperwork. I hate paperwork. However, other than that, I have my gastric bypass support group meeting at work this afternoon. And then Scott and I are going to meet up after work for our Thursday happy hour. I love that. It's not because of the drinking (I probably won't even drink-or maybe I will! haha)...it's more about sitting there talking, listening to the jukebox and just chilling out.
Anyway....On to the most exciting part of my day yesterday! I received, out of the blue, an email from Kimberly Taylor. She runs the bariatric program at the hospital where I had my surgery. She went a long, long way to help make me comfortable in the idea of having gastric bypass. Even as a post-op, she's done wonders in helping me keep my sanity when I've plateaued.
I remember the day I first talked to her on the phone when I was considering surgery, I was floored. She is AMAZING!!! She shared her surgery story, and then she listened as I talked through my fears. I've never felt so instantly connected to someone. She's one of those people you can't help but adore instantly.
Well, Kimberly has always loved my writing almost as I love hers. We have our own mutual admiration club I think. hehe She's really been spreading her wings lately and she is now a contributing writer to WLS Magazine - the premier magazine for us weight-loss surgery folks. I cannot WAIT to read her column. I'm a subscriber and I am so antsy to get my magazine!
Yesterday's e-mail from Kimberly blew me away. I've told her that I want to write my series of books. But you know, you never think that anyone really listens to you to the point that your dreams really sink into their minds. It's not that people don't care - it's just they have their own goals and dreams they're focused on. So, to receive an email from someone who actually is working to make my dreams come true touches me so deeply.
Here's what she said in her email entitled 'Hey there, Butterfly':
...I am wondering how your butterfly series is coming. I am asking because I am now a contributing writer for WLS Lifestyles magazine. I will have a regular column (if people like it) titled “Observations From an Obesity Overcomer” and am developing a good relationship with the publisher, Brian Davidson. Brian has also agreed to join the national committee of the ASBS Foundation’s Walk From Obesity, so that will give me further opportunity to develop the relationship with him in hopes that I’ll be able to pitch your butterfly book series to him.
So … get busy writing! I have big hopes and dreams for you. I know you have a lot to share with the world, beautiful butterfly!
OMG how incredible is that???????????????????????????????????????? It really fired me up! I sent her my plan and about six or seven or so writing samples. When I re-read what I've written, I was overwhelmed. Sometimes I can't believe this stuff has come from me. I know it's not me saying these things, but God speaking through me. I hope I will always keep my mind open to His message. Maybe that's why it's so hard to sit down and focus. There's so much He's putting in my mind, it's hard to get it all out through my fingers to type it!
So there you have it. I keep feeling like this is going to work out somehow. With an Angel helping me along the way, how can it not? It's almost scary to think that it COULD happen. It's like with our weight loss. It's exciting but scary as hell to realize your dreams. But, I am willing to take that chance. I really, really want to spend my life helping the obese and recovering obese. I feel it's my life's calling.
Ok I need to run. Thank You God for the miracles You bring to our lives each day. Let us be able to recognize them as such and be grateful.
xoxoox
posted by Melissa :-) @ 6:14 AM
0 comments
9.14.2005
Post-Op Day 259: Down another .5 :-)
Just wanted to post an updated chart:
I lost another .5 - yay me! I am at 203 now! As I told Diana, I am on my hands and knees crawling to Onederland! haha But, I will get there. I will! :-)
The thing is, I know I'll get there. It's like waiting for Christmas though. I am terrible about waiting for Christmas. I want it now. No patience, I know. This journey has taught me patience, though, more than anything else. So, I know I'm getting better. I really am.
Yesterday was stressful again. I am hoping today is better. It's wearing me down. Luckily, I had a wonderful night with Scott.
Ok I need to get ready for work. God please bless all of us on this journey.
xoxox
Me
I lost another .5 - yay me! I am at 203 now! As I told Diana, I am on my hands and knees crawling to Onederland! haha But, I will get there. I will! :-)
The thing is, I know I'll get there. It's like waiting for Christmas though. I am terrible about waiting for Christmas. I want it now. No patience, I know. This journey has taught me patience, though, more than anything else. So, I know I'm getting better. I really am.
Yesterday was stressful again. I am hoping today is better. It's wearing me down. Luckily, I had a wonderful night with Scott.
Ok I need to get ready for work. God please bless all of us on this journey.
xoxox
Me
posted by Melissa :-) @ 7:10 AM
0 comments
9.13.2005
Post-Op Day 258: Back to the grind
Well, I made it through my first day back to work. It was great to see people, but the day was stressful for a variety of issues. Lots of drama going on. I hate drama. I like things fun and nice. I pray this drama passes soon.
When I was walking in, I saw my reflection in a long series of windows. I was on the phone with my Mom, so I just casually glanced over. I was floored to see myself! I looked so thin! I'm not thin by any stretch of the imagination, but compared to where I use to be I am. I guess since I haven't really seen myself in a week or so, the shock of seeing myself again was there. haha Regardless, it was a nice surprise!
My deep dark confession
Last night was low-key. Scott had a rough day too, so we spent some time talking and then watching wrestling. haha That's right - I am a wrestling fan. :-)
In my life, I've gone through cycles with wrestling. When I was a kid, I was nuts for it. Then I thought it was stupid.
When I was in my mid- to late-20s, I started watching it again. My coworker at the time loved it and I would laugh at her. Then I realized, "How can I laugh at something and I don't even watch it to know what I am laughing at?"
So, I gave it a try and got hooked again. A group of us would meet weekly for our wrestling nights. It was a lot of fun actually.
When I moved down here, I got Scott hooked. We'd also enjoy our two wrestling nights. And yes, I know it's fake. haha Actually, I admire the writing it takes to script WWE two nights a week and then some. Story lines are difficult; so when a good story line happens, it's a cool thing to watch.
I guess that's why we stopped watching. The story lines were no longer clever. Some of their big talent had left and their popularity was down. We just moved on. However, we have felt a void because that was something we really enjoyed watching together. I am a sports nut and Scott isn't. So we don't really have any other thing like that to share.
Lately we've been catching it again. It's been hard to get into the stories and learn the new talent, but it's getting better. I've also loved wrestling because it helps me get some aggression out. I know that sounds weird, but it's kinda like stress relief watching all that, laughing, feeling the emotions that a good story lines gets out of you. haha Last night I needed it and it worked. It put me in a really good mood.
So that's my deep dark confession - I am a closet wrestling fan. ;-)
Fighting the urge
I am glad that I leaned on wrestling for the stress relief because I was really struggling with the urge to stuff my face yesterday right after work. I was in Walgreens and I SO WANTED to just buy some cookies. I even stood there and looked at the sugar contents thinking, "How many of these could I have?"
But, in the end, I resisted. I bought myself a bottled water and left. I knew that I didn't want to start a bad habit. I've worked hard on managing my stress eating. It gets tough sometimes to stay focused, but you have to tough it out regardless.
As the days fly by, my hunger returns more and more and my pouch is able to accommodate more and more. In the first six months it was easy to not stress eat because I physically couldn't. Now I think I could, but I don't want to. Still, in the past, even if I didn't want to, I did.
So, I have to constantly be on alert for times like yesterday where it seems harmless to pick up a small pack of cookies. I know it leads to a spiraling effect. When I feel weak like that, I have to fight those urges and not be weak.
This is still a life-long battle. Don't ever be fooled into thinking your urges and coping techniques will magically vanish forever. You have to respect your tool but also respect yourself enough to practice new behaviors. When you slip up, you have to get yourself back on track. And, like a recovering alcoholic or drug addict, we food addicts must always take our lives one day at a time, one step at a time.
I am proud and happy that I took positive steps. I even got a great reward (even though it would have been worth it if I got no reward at all). My scale was down 2 pounds this morning!! I am now standing at 203.5 lbs.!! OMG I am getting closer and closer to Onederland! I am so thrilled!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My total weight loss is now 120.5 lbs.! I cannot believe it! Since I really started cracking down and eating better on Sept. 9, I've lost 15.5 lbs.! Woo hoo!!!
I was stuck at 205.5 for about a week. I guess me switching up my schedule yesterday helped me shed some weight. Whatever the reason, I am so grateful!
***
Ok I need to run. God please bless all of us on this crazy, wonderful journey - no matter what stage we're in.
When I was walking in, I saw my reflection in a long series of windows. I was on the phone with my Mom, so I just casually glanced over. I was floored to see myself! I looked so thin! I'm not thin by any stretch of the imagination, but compared to where I use to be I am. I guess since I haven't really seen myself in a week or so, the shock of seeing myself again was there. haha Regardless, it was a nice surprise!
My deep dark confession
Last night was low-key. Scott had a rough day too, so we spent some time talking and then watching wrestling. haha That's right - I am a wrestling fan. :-)
In my life, I've gone through cycles with wrestling. When I was a kid, I was nuts for it. Then I thought it was stupid.
When I was in my mid- to late-20s, I started watching it again. My coworker at the time loved it and I would laugh at her. Then I realized, "How can I laugh at something and I don't even watch it to know what I am laughing at?"
So, I gave it a try and got hooked again. A group of us would meet weekly for our wrestling nights. It was a lot of fun actually.
When I moved down here, I got Scott hooked. We'd also enjoy our two wrestling nights. And yes, I know it's fake. haha Actually, I admire the writing it takes to script WWE two nights a week and then some. Story lines are difficult; so when a good story line happens, it's a cool thing to watch.
I guess that's why we stopped watching. The story lines were no longer clever. Some of their big talent had left and their popularity was down. We just moved on. However, we have felt a void because that was something we really enjoyed watching together. I am a sports nut and Scott isn't. So we don't really have any other thing like that to share.
Lately we've been catching it again. It's been hard to get into the stories and learn the new talent, but it's getting better. I've also loved wrestling because it helps me get some aggression out. I know that sounds weird, but it's kinda like stress relief watching all that, laughing, feeling the emotions that a good story lines gets out of you. haha Last night I needed it and it worked. It put me in a really good mood.
So that's my deep dark confession - I am a closet wrestling fan. ;-)
Fighting the urge
I am glad that I leaned on wrestling for the stress relief because I was really struggling with the urge to stuff my face yesterday right after work. I was in Walgreens and I SO WANTED to just buy some cookies. I even stood there and looked at the sugar contents thinking, "How many of these could I have?"
But, in the end, I resisted. I bought myself a bottled water and left. I knew that I didn't want to start a bad habit. I've worked hard on managing my stress eating. It gets tough sometimes to stay focused, but you have to tough it out regardless.
As the days fly by, my hunger returns more and more and my pouch is able to accommodate more and more. In the first six months it was easy to not stress eat because I physically couldn't. Now I think I could, but I don't want to. Still, in the past, even if I didn't want to, I did.
So, I have to constantly be on alert for times like yesterday where it seems harmless to pick up a small pack of cookies. I know it leads to a spiraling effect. When I feel weak like that, I have to fight those urges and not be weak.
This is still a life-long battle. Don't ever be fooled into thinking your urges and coping techniques will magically vanish forever. You have to respect your tool but also respect yourself enough to practice new behaviors. When you slip up, you have to get yourself back on track. And, like a recovering alcoholic or drug addict, we food addicts must always take our lives one day at a time, one step at a time.
I am proud and happy that I took positive steps. I even got a great reward (even though it would have been worth it if I got no reward at all). My scale was down 2 pounds this morning!! I am now standing at 203.5 lbs.!! OMG I am getting closer and closer to Onederland! I am so thrilled!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My total weight loss is now 120.5 lbs.! I cannot believe it! Since I really started cracking down and eating better on Sept. 9, I've lost 15.5 lbs.! Woo hoo!!!
I was stuck at 205.5 for about a week. I guess me switching up my schedule yesterday helped me shed some weight. Whatever the reason, I am so grateful!
***
Ok I need to run. God please bless all of us on this crazy, wonderful journey - no matter what stage we're in.
posted by Melissa :-) @ 6:33 AM
0 comments
9.11.2005
It's football season and I weigh less than Refrigerator Perry hehe
I am so excited...the Colts are on and they are kicking a$$!!! yayaya!
As I was sitting there watching the game, I had a big realization....I no longer weigh as much as or even MORE than many NFL football players! I know that might sound weird, but it's a fact!
I used to watch those games and, when I'd see their stats, I would feel so terrible. Even the ones who looked huge would sometimes weigh less than me. I mean - I was 324 lbs.!!
Last football season, I remember I was a fresh post-op in January and still wondering if I had made the right decision to surgically alter my body to lose weight. I would watch the playoffs and think, "I wonder if next football season I will weigh less than these guys?"
Now at 205.5 lbs., I am bigger than some but not most! I am soooooooooooooooooooo excited! I wish I could go back and tell the me of then that it all worked out ok. Isn't that strange? But it's true. I was so scared even though I knew it was the right thing to do. I was just so afraid I would fail. Or maybe I was afraid I would succeed?
Anyway, it was just really, really nice to have that realization.
As for the rest of my day...I got dressed and headed to my support group meeting. However, I was running late and just turned back home. I stopped and got us a pizza on the way back. It's so nice to eat just the toppings off of two pieces and feel stuffed! Sometimes it's frustrating when the food I want to eat is sooooo good. It's like I don't want to stop. But, I am so glad I have to. :-)
After that, I just felt exhausted from pushing myself this weekend. I took like a four-hour nap. Then I went to the grocery at 9 so I would have good food in stock for this week. We've had a lot of nothing good around the house, and I had to change that. I want to ensure that I stay focused. I want to reach Onederland SO BADLY!
Ok I need to get back to the game. I return to work this week. I am looking forward to it. :-)
Thank You God for the normal things in life. Let me never take them for granted.
As I was sitting there watching the game, I had a big realization....I no longer weigh as much as or even MORE than many NFL football players! I know that might sound weird, but it's a fact!
I used to watch those games and, when I'd see their stats, I would feel so terrible. Even the ones who looked huge would sometimes weigh less than me. I mean - I was 324 lbs.!!
Last football season, I remember I was a fresh post-op in January and still wondering if I had made the right decision to surgically alter my body to lose weight. I would watch the playoffs and think, "I wonder if next football season I will weigh less than these guys?"
Now at 205.5 lbs., I am bigger than some but not most! I am soooooooooooooooooooo excited! I wish I could go back and tell the me of then that it all worked out ok. Isn't that strange? But it's true. I was so scared even though I knew it was the right thing to do. I was just so afraid I would fail. Or maybe I was afraid I would succeed?
Anyway, it was just really, really nice to have that realization.
As for the rest of my day...I got dressed and headed to my support group meeting. However, I was running late and just turned back home. I stopped and got us a pizza on the way back. It's so nice to eat just the toppings off of two pieces and feel stuffed! Sometimes it's frustrating when the food I want to eat is sooooo good. It's like I don't want to stop. But, I am so glad I have to. :-)
After that, I just felt exhausted from pushing myself this weekend. I took like a four-hour nap. Then I went to the grocery at 9 so I would have good food in stock for this week. We've had a lot of nothing good around the house, and I had to change that. I want to ensure that I stay focused. I want to reach Onederland SO BADLY!
Ok I need to get back to the game. I return to work this week. I am looking forward to it. :-)
Thank You God for the normal things in life. Let me never take them for granted.
posted by Melissa :-) @ 10:36 PM
0 comments
Check it out...
Just wanted to share this face comparison. The first one is of me on Feb. 8, 2005, when I was down 36.5 pounds. The second is of me down 118.5 pounds. It's amazing what 82 pounds gone can do for a face. :-)
If that's not drastic enough, how about this pic of me pre-op last November at 320-something pounds and me now at 205.5?
posted by Melissa :-) @ 11:49 AM
0 comments
Post-Op Day 256: Feeling like me again!
Last night was a blast!!! And to think - I almost bailed on my friend Mark because I was still feeling kinda blah. But when I realized it was his birthday and he was going to spend it alone at this sad pick-up bar with old, easy women, I got my act together, got myself sassified and told him I was on my way!
I am so glad I did. We had a great time! Since I drove and I was paying, he had no excuse not to get trashed. And he did. He said it was his best birthday ever. That is sad in itself. haha
Seriously, he's a great guy. He's single too, Ladies. He went through a terrible divorce and his three precious little girls are living with their mom in Colorado. I feel bad for him being so far from the girls. He seems really lost in life in a lot of ways. I know it's just a time of transition for him, but it's hard to see your friend looking for something that even he doesn't know what it is.
Anyway, he and I did our usual people watching, dancing the pole to "You Don't Have to Call Me Darlin, Darlin' and being silly. He did body shots from the waitress, he had lots of women lap dance him during his birthday song, we gave dollars to the women who got up and danced the pole and we shook our butts to "Staying Alive." hahaha I love that place - it's so crazy! The funny part is, I am one of the youngest people there.
It was a great night, and I am so glad that I was able to give him some laughs. He deserves them. I am also glad that I went because it made me feel truly back to "normal" again. I SO am a party girl, and I just love to get out and dance, laugh and have FUN!
I had to include a compilation of pics taken of Mark. The first is of him when I first picked him up. He's as sober as can be. The last three were taken as I dropped him off. He's out of it. haha
This is just a pic of me cheesing it up with him when I picked him up. I look goofy in here, but I thought it was a fun pic - so I am including it. :-)
I am so glad I did. We had a great time! Since I drove and I was paying, he had no excuse not to get trashed. And he did. He said it was his best birthday ever. That is sad in itself. haha
Seriously, he's a great guy. He's single too, Ladies. He went through a terrible divorce and his three precious little girls are living with their mom in Colorado. I feel bad for him being so far from the girls. He seems really lost in life in a lot of ways. I know it's just a time of transition for him, but it's hard to see your friend looking for something that even he doesn't know what it is.
Anyway, he and I did our usual people watching, dancing the pole to "You Don't Have to Call Me Darlin, Darlin' and being silly. He did body shots from the waitress, he had lots of women lap dance him during his birthday song, we gave dollars to the women who got up and danced the pole and we shook our butts to "Staying Alive." hahaha I love that place - it's so crazy! The funny part is, I am one of the youngest people there.
It was a great night, and I am so glad that I was able to give him some laughs. He deserves them. I am also glad that I went because it made me feel truly back to "normal" again. I SO am a party girl, and I just love to get out and dance, laugh and have FUN!
I had to include a compilation of pics taken of Mark. The first is of him when I first picked him up. He's as sober as can be. The last three were taken as I dropped him off. He's out of it. haha
This is just a pic of me cheesing it up with him when I picked him up. I look goofy in here, but I thought it was a fun pic - so I am including it. :-)
And, it wouldn't be me if I didn't shoot some pics of myself before going out. I am actually glad I've done this over the past few months because it's allowed me to see my progress and changes. I don't take a lot of candid shots in general, so it's been a good way to keep track. :-)
(cock-eyed photo especially for Diana hehe)
posted by Melissa :-) @ 9:57 AM
0 comments
9.10.2005
What a difference 8 months makes!
This was me 11 days before surgery on Dec. 18, 2004, and me on my 8-month anniversary, Aug. 29, 2005....
posted by Melissa :-) @ 7:38 PM
0 comments
Photos, Photos, Photos!!
I just put together two folders of photos - they feature me pre-op dating back to 2001 and me post-op with my most current pics. I think it overall tells a good story of where I've been and where I am now.
My weight bounced around constantly pre-op. I started out around at in the 299-305 range in 2001. After doing Weight Watchers several times, I got it into the 280s and 270s in 2002 and 2003. I felt really good about myself then and felt I looked pretty sexxxy.
In 2004, my weight climbed back up and didn't stop. It was such a stressful year - being promoted to my first supervisor position ever; buying and building our first house; planning our wedding in less than a week; getting married; moving into our new house; going through contract changeovers at work and fearing I would lose my job; having a breast lump that needed to be removed...and those are just the highlights.
I gained weight from overeating because of the stress, and then the excess weight caused me the most stress of all. So, I in turn ate even more and more. Being approved for gastric bypass was such a blessing, and rounding out my crazy year by having it on Dec. 29 was the best thing ever for my health and sanity!
By the time I had my surgery, I was the biggest I had ever been and feeling scared and out of control. I can tell I was miserable because there were so few pics of me taken in 2004. I didn't want any taken because I was hating how I looked and didn't want to face seeing myself in photos.
It's wild, because in the 270s-290 weight range, I was a picture whore. I had to take a lot of time picking and choosing the pics I wanted to share because I have so many! I loved showing off and proving how sexy a big girl could be. But by the time my weight climbed into the 300s, I didn't feel sexy one bit.
It was so much fun to go through the post-op pics and see how I have changed. Sometimes I can't see it too well, but then when I look at the pics - I see it clearly. I am still adjusting to how I look now and I am still trying to find my place in this world. I think I will get better looking over time and as my hair can finally grow back out. That's the one thing I hate - I had to cut my hair when I was losing it so badly in May and June. It's on its way now to getting grown back out, and I am so excited.
Anyway, here's the link to my pics. I'd love to get some feedback!
http://community.webshots.com/user/transformingmelissa
My weight bounced around constantly pre-op. I started out around at in the 299-305 range in 2001. After doing Weight Watchers several times, I got it into the 280s and 270s in 2002 and 2003. I felt really good about myself then and felt I looked pretty sexxxy.
In 2004, my weight climbed back up and didn't stop. It was such a stressful year - being promoted to my first supervisor position ever; buying and building our first house; planning our wedding in less than a week; getting married; moving into our new house; going through contract changeovers at work and fearing I would lose my job; having a breast lump that needed to be removed...and those are just the highlights.
I gained weight from overeating because of the stress, and then the excess weight caused me the most stress of all. So, I in turn ate even more and more. Being approved for gastric bypass was such a blessing, and rounding out my crazy year by having it on Dec. 29 was the best thing ever for my health and sanity!
By the time I had my surgery, I was the biggest I had ever been and feeling scared and out of control. I can tell I was miserable because there were so few pics of me taken in 2004. I didn't want any taken because I was hating how I looked and didn't want to face seeing myself in photos.
It's wild, because in the 270s-290 weight range, I was a picture whore. I had to take a lot of time picking and choosing the pics I wanted to share because I have so many! I loved showing off and proving how sexy a big girl could be. But by the time my weight climbed into the 300s, I didn't feel sexy one bit.
It was so much fun to go through the post-op pics and see how I have changed. Sometimes I can't see it too well, but then when I look at the pics - I see it clearly. I am still adjusting to how I look now and I am still trying to find my place in this world. I think I will get better looking over time and as my hair can finally grow back out. That's the one thing I hate - I had to cut my hair when I was losing it so badly in May and June. It's on its way now to getting grown back out, and I am so excited.
Anyway, here's the link to my pics. I'd love to get some feedback!
http://community.webshots.com/user/transformingmelissa
posted by Melissa :-) @ 4:48 PM
0 comments
Post-Op Day 255: The stitches are out! :-)
Here's what I posted to my parotid support group just now...
Well yesterday I went to get the stitches out. It was virtually painless and the surgical area looks better than I ever expected. I've included a link to the webpage following my parotid journey. The most current pics are at the bottom. http://melissastransformation.homestead.com/parotid.html
Well yesterday I went to get the stitches out. It was virtually painless and the surgical area looks better than I ever expected. I've included a link to the webpage following my parotid journey. The most current pics are at the bottom. http://melissastransformation.homestead.com/parotid.html
When he walked in, he goes, "Do you know how big that thing was?"
I didn't but thought it was pretty small. He said, "It was the size of a walnut!"
Now that DID shock me!
He said the MRI didn't show exactly how big and deep it was, as part of it was hidden by my jaw bone. So this is another prompting for those of you who might be putting off surgery - DON'T! Your tumor could be bigger than you think and it can keep growing!
I told him I had a few rough days post-op. He just stopped and said, "You had some MAJOR surgery. Don't think otherwise for a second."
I think it really hit home then. I have been trying so hard to get back on my feet this week, that I don't think I really realized how serious or in-depth it was. So, today I am being a little more gentler on myself.
When he took out the stitches, he told me that I look great and the surgical area looks fabulous. He said, "Obviously you're a quick healer!"
I guess I feel if I can make it through gastric bypass, I can do anything. haha
I told him about this wonderful message board and I can tell he was flattered when he learned that some of you have commented on his exceptional skill with the stitchings.
He said, "Make sure my name's spelled right!" haha His name is Dr. Robert Parke in Houston, TX. I told him I wouldn't forget his 'e' on the end. :-) He told his staff all about this board. Too funny!
Anyway, it was a great experience. His nurse said I looked amazing and thought I had already gone back to work. haha I had dolled myself up. I feel better that way, you know?
He told me I could return to work on Monday but to NOT overdo it in anyway - especially no heavy exercising.
I will return to see him in three weeks.
So there you have it!
I didn't go out last night. Instead, I just stayed home, watched TV with my hubby and passed out on the couch. Today I have been really lazy. While I've had some pain in the surgical area, overall I have felt pretty darn good considering one week ago I was just released from the hospital. I am going out dancing tonight. :-)
So there you have it. Thanks to the post-ops for all their love, support and wisdom. For the pre-ops, please know you can reach out to me or anyone here for support. My email is melissadeaver_writer@yahoo.com.
Lots of love, Melissa
***
I was so relieved to get those stitches out. The surgical area is still numb, but it will be for a long time (six months or so). Luckily, I find myself getting use to it more and more every day. It's amazing how the body and mind can adapt.
Otherwise, nothing's really going on. Just looking forward to going out tonight. :-)
It's been raining all morning. I've loved how relaxing it's been. Unfortunately, Scott had to work today. I am missing him. Otherwise, it's been a good day.
I changed the color of my blog to give some variety. I am sure I will be tinkering with it more in the future. I can't let anything stay the same for too long - my Attention Deficit Disorder won't allow anything to get boring in my life. haha
I just want to say that I am so THANKFUL God has once more helped me through the tough times. I never want to take that blessing for granted. Many people have problems with this surgery - whether it is they find out they have cancer or that they have facial paralysis. I realize it could have been so much worse. Thank YOU God for protecting me.
posted by Melissa :-) @ 2:38 PM
0 comments
9.09.2005
Post-Op Day 254: Catching up!
I'm here and doing MUCH better!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's probably easier to post here the post I made in the parotid tumor support group...
Hey Ya'll -
I just want to first say thank you for all your helpful (and sometimes hysterical) tips for getting rid of the constipation. I will never look at McDonald's the same now. hehe
Well, I am one-week post op! I cannot believe that a week ago I was at the hospital and a half-hour from surgery. I was a nervous wreck!
This has been a challenging week in parts but nothing that kept me down for too long.
I stopped taking the Tylenol with Codeine on Monday to work through the constipation issues. I replaced it with just plain ol' Extra Strength Tylenol. The first day was rough and I took about 8 of those babies.
Tuesday I began working from home. The pain was still there, but was subsiding - as was the constipation. I took a nap in the middle of the day but otherwise, I was fully alert at my computer and working for 8 or 9 hours.
Wednesday, I actually took a long hot shower, washed my hair (avoiding my surgical area of course), put on makeup, fixed my hair and wore a summer dress. I know I looked much more alive! I took a pic of myself. I will include the link. The new pic is on the bottom of the page.
Yesterday I felt MUCH better and more like myself. I think I only took three Tylenol. The worst part is a dull headache I keep getting - and of course not feeling my ear. But it's cool. I will adjust. :-)
I again got dolled up for the day (I even wore earrings though it felt strange at first). My hubby and I went to dinner. Yesterday was my first time venturing out since surgery. It felt so great!
Today I go to get my stitches out. I can't wait to have them gone, but I am nervous that it will hurt. Oh well...I can cope. I've come this far!
This weekend, I plan to go out dancing and getting my life back to its normal chaotic self. :-)
For those who are pre-op, please know that the wait for surgery is the worst part. The what-ifs scare the heck outta you. Once you've got that out of the way, you just roll with the punches.
The first few days are kinda rough as your adjust to the lack of feeling in your ear (wooden ear) and the pain can be intense (at least it was for me). But remember, it's nothing you can't handle.
I was very lucky in that I had no facial paralysis. I thank God for that repeatedly. However, like those who did have it on here, you can adjust to that too until the paralysis is gone.
For the record:
- I didn't wake up in a lot of pain and I felt relieved it was over
- The drain doesn't hurt at all coming out and is hardly noticeable when its in
- The meds in the hospital are much better than the ones at home so enjoy them
- You are sent home with something along the lines of vicodin or Tylenol with Codeine
- Sleep is your best friend (so don't fight it like I did)
- Watch out for constipation
- Use this board as your resource to ask questions, vent or whine (Lord knows I've done enough of it)
- Be positive and know having this surgery is the best thing you can do for yourself! Please don't leave that tumor in just because you dread surgery or think it will go away on its own. It's critical you do this!
Ok I will stop rambling. I will post about my doctor's visit soon.
Love to you all - Melissa
So that's that...
The good news is that my weight loss is still happening. Here's the rundown...
9/2/05: 208.0 (-116) (32.6)
Surgery/recovery in these days – weight went up to 212 from fluids!
9/6/05: 207.5 (-116.5) (32.6)
9/7/05: 206.0 (-118) (32.3)
9/8/05: 205.5 (-118.5) (32.3)
9/9/05: 205.5 (-118.5) (32.3) (46.5 lbs. from overall goal!)
YAYA for me...I can SOOOOOOOOO see Onederland! Man I want to get there so bad!!!
It's probably easier to post here the post I made in the parotid tumor support group...
Hey Ya'll -
I just want to first say thank you for all your helpful (and sometimes hysterical) tips for getting rid of the constipation. I will never look at McDonald's the same now. hehe
Well, I am one-week post op! I cannot believe that a week ago I was at the hospital and a half-hour from surgery. I was a nervous wreck!
This has been a challenging week in parts but nothing that kept me down for too long.
I stopped taking the Tylenol with Codeine on Monday to work through the constipation issues. I replaced it with just plain ol' Extra Strength Tylenol. The first day was rough and I took about 8 of those babies.
Tuesday I began working from home. The pain was still there, but was subsiding - as was the constipation. I took a nap in the middle of the day but otherwise, I was fully alert at my computer and working for 8 or 9 hours.
Wednesday, I actually took a long hot shower, washed my hair (avoiding my surgical area of course), put on makeup, fixed my hair and wore a summer dress. I know I looked much more alive! I took a pic of myself. I will include the link. The new pic is on the bottom of the page.
Yesterday I felt MUCH better and more like myself. I think I only took three Tylenol. The worst part is a dull headache I keep getting - and of course not feeling my ear. But it's cool. I will adjust. :-)
I again got dolled up for the day (I even wore earrings though it felt strange at first). My hubby and I went to dinner. Yesterday was my first time venturing out since surgery. It felt so great!
Today I go to get my stitches out. I can't wait to have them gone, but I am nervous that it will hurt. Oh well...I can cope. I've come this far!
This weekend, I plan to go out dancing and getting my life back to its normal chaotic self. :-)
For those who are pre-op, please know that the wait for surgery is the worst part. The what-ifs scare the heck outta you. Once you've got that out of the way, you just roll with the punches.
The first few days are kinda rough as your adjust to the lack of feeling in your ear (wooden ear) and the pain can be intense (at least it was for me). But remember, it's nothing you can't handle.
I was very lucky in that I had no facial paralysis. I thank God for that repeatedly. However, like those who did have it on here, you can adjust to that too until the paralysis is gone.
For the record:
- I didn't wake up in a lot of pain and I felt relieved it was over
- The drain doesn't hurt at all coming out and is hardly noticeable when its in
- The meds in the hospital are much better than the ones at home so enjoy them
- You are sent home with something along the lines of vicodin or Tylenol with Codeine
- Sleep is your best friend (so don't fight it like I did)
- Watch out for constipation
- Use this board as your resource to ask questions, vent or whine (Lord knows I've done enough of it)
- Be positive and know having this surgery is the best thing you can do for yourself! Please don't leave that tumor in just because you dread surgery or think it will go away on its own. It's critical you do this!
Ok I will stop rambling. I will post about my doctor's visit soon.
Love to you all - Melissa
So that's that...
The good news is that my weight loss is still happening. Here's the rundown...
9/2/05: 208.0 (-116) (32.6)
Surgery/recovery in these days – weight went up to 212 from fluids!
9/6/05: 207.5 (-116.5) (32.6)
9/7/05: 206.0 (-118) (32.3)
9/8/05: 205.5 (-118.5) (32.3)
9/9/05: 205.5 (-118.5) (32.3) (46.5 lbs. from overall goal!)
YAYA for me...I can SOOOOOOOOO see Onederland! Man I want to get there so bad!!!
posted by Melissa :-) @ 9:13 AM
0 comments
9.05.2005
The misery continues...
To make things easier, I am just going to post here what I posted on the parotid tumor support group message board. I just want to strike a balance here....
I want to thank those who gave me advice yesterday in coping with the pain. I took it and slept for most of the day while being heavily drugged.
It's time now for more meds. I hesitate to take more until I have a bowel movement. I am extremely constipated and haven't had a BM in four days. As a gastric bypass patient, this isn't good. I am suppose to have them each day to ensure my new inner workings are functioning properly.
Yesterday I took two stool softeners and drank some milk of magenesia (on top of lots of water) - but it has yet to produce anything. I just took a walk in hopes to get things moving and now I am drinking more water. I am not able to take prunes, as my new system doesn't digest skins of fruit well.
If I don't produce something today, I am going to call my bypass surgeon tomorrow for help. It's really hard to balance the needs of the bypass with the needs of this surgery.
My pain level right now is about an 7. My right side is still extremely tender and swollen - and I have a killer headache.
Yesterday my pain level was an 8 or 9. I know it's going to get back in the higher zone if I don't take my meds. So, here's hoping for a BM soon. I never have wished for one more in my life. haha
Ok Sorry to give such detail. I just wanted to share since everyone here is so open.
Thanks again for your great words of advice yesterday.
Melissa
I want to thank those who gave me advice yesterday in coping with the pain. I took it and slept for most of the day while being heavily drugged.
It's time now for more meds. I hesitate to take more until I have a bowel movement. I am extremely constipated and haven't had a BM in four days. As a gastric bypass patient, this isn't good. I am suppose to have them each day to ensure my new inner workings are functioning properly.
Yesterday I took two stool softeners and drank some milk of magenesia (on top of lots of water) - but it has yet to produce anything. I just took a walk in hopes to get things moving and now I am drinking more water. I am not able to take prunes, as my new system doesn't digest skins of fruit well.
If I don't produce something today, I am going to call my bypass surgeon tomorrow for help. It's really hard to balance the needs of the bypass with the needs of this surgery.
My pain level right now is about an 7. My right side is still extremely tender and swollen - and I have a killer headache.
Yesterday my pain level was an 8 or 9. I know it's going to get back in the higher zone if I don't take my meds. So, here's hoping for a BM soon. I never have wished for one more in my life. haha
Ok Sorry to give such detail. I just wanted to share since everyone here is so open.
Thanks again for your great words of advice yesterday.
Melissa
posted by Melissa :-) @ 8:14 AM
0 comments
9.04.2005
I'm miserable :-(
I just want to say that this pain is terrible. :-( I truly feel miserable.
It seems the only way to do any kind of pain management is for Scott to keep me drugged so I can sleep through it. I've just got up from sleeping four hours straight. I have been up for 15 minutes - and the pain is already coming back in abundance. The entire right side of my face hurts like hell except where it's totally numb - which is a yucky feeling all to itself.
My face looks more swollen and out of proportion. I know all of this is normal. I went through major surgery where my face was cut into and my facial nerve was maneuvered. On top of that, the nerve to my right ear was cut and reattached. You can't go through something like that and not feel it. I guess after feeling so good yesterday morning, I thought perhaps I had lucked out.
A lady on the parotid tumor message board I post to (yes can you believe I found one?!) told me that her worst pain happened on DAY 5! Ugh!! Here is what she said:
Hi Melissa- I am shy of 2 weeks post op. The best advice I can give you is to keep the pain meds on a schedule...the post op nurse told my husband to wake me up the first couple of nights to keep me on my schedule. Once I let it go, it was hard to stay "on top of" the pain. I, too, slept or rested for the first 2 or 3 days. That was what helped me the most.
I ate soup for nearly a week, with soft rolls because my cheek hurt to chew. Keep hydrated and eat some dried plums or take stool softners, but keep the pain meds on a schedule. I am still taking my pills, 1 every 6-8 hours....I figure that I am not trying to win an award for enduring pain from this operation...but am trying to get through it comfortably.
I was surprised that on day 5 post op, I felt more sore and was hurting than before...I think it was because I was trying to get off of my pain pills too soon. I asked my Dr for more at my 1 week post-op follow-up and finally today is my first day without pain pills of any kind.
Go easy, get LOTS of sleep and keep managing your pain.
Good luck!
Sally
So, I am going to just stay drugged up and pray that I turn the corner to feeling better soon.
It seems the only way to do any kind of pain management is for Scott to keep me drugged so I can sleep through it. I've just got up from sleeping four hours straight. I have been up for 15 minutes - and the pain is already coming back in abundance. The entire right side of my face hurts like hell except where it's totally numb - which is a yucky feeling all to itself.
My face looks more swollen and out of proportion. I know all of this is normal. I went through major surgery where my face was cut into and my facial nerve was maneuvered. On top of that, the nerve to my right ear was cut and reattached. You can't go through something like that and not feel it. I guess after feeling so good yesterday morning, I thought perhaps I had lucked out.
A lady on the parotid tumor message board I post to (yes can you believe I found one?!) told me that her worst pain happened on DAY 5! Ugh!! Here is what she said:
Hi Melissa- I am shy of 2 weeks post op. The best advice I can give you is to keep the pain meds on a schedule...the post op nurse told my husband to wake me up the first couple of nights to keep me on my schedule. Once I let it go, it was hard to stay "on top of" the pain. I, too, slept or rested for the first 2 or 3 days. That was what helped me the most.
I ate soup for nearly a week, with soft rolls because my cheek hurt to chew. Keep hydrated and eat some dried plums or take stool softners, but keep the pain meds on a schedule. I am still taking my pills, 1 every 6-8 hours....I figure that I am not trying to win an award for enduring pain from this operation...but am trying to get through it comfortably.
I was surprised that on day 5 post op, I felt more sore and was hurting than before...I think it was because I was trying to get off of my pain pills too soon. I asked my Dr for more at my 1 week post-op follow-up and finally today is my first day without pain pills of any kind.
Go easy, get LOTS of sleep and keep managing your pain.
Good luck!
Sally
So, I am going to just stay drugged up and pray that I turn the corner to feeling better soon.
posted by Melissa :-) @ 6:12 PM
0 comments
9.03.2005
ouch!
I took a long nap, which is good, but man I woke up hurting! I guess all the good stuff floating around my system post-op has worn off and now I am facing the pain of nerve-endings waking up. ouch!
I hurt worse now than I did immediately after surgery. The whole right side of my face aches and is in pain. Imagine getting a root canal and increasing the pain level by 10 times or so. It's also strange to sleep with this numb ear. It doesn't hurt but it just feels weird having this numb thing on the side of your head. It's all so hard to explain.
I know that it will get better, but I just wanted to post now and explain where I am at mentally and physically at this point.
I sure hope the vicodin kicks in soon....
I hurt worse now than I did immediately after surgery. The whole right side of my face aches and is in pain. Imagine getting a root canal and increasing the pain level by 10 times or so. It's also strange to sleep with this numb ear. It doesn't hurt but it just feels weird having this numb thing on the side of your head. It's all so hard to explain.
I know that it will get better, but I just wanted to post now and explain where I am at mentally and physically at this point.
I sure hope the vicodin kicks in soon....
posted by Melissa :-) @ 8:08 PM
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I MADE IT THROUGH SURGERY!!!
Well it's Saturday afternoon and I am home! I made it back around 10:30. I'm in some pain, but the feeling of relief I have now that it's finally over makes it all better.
I woke up feeling pretty good about things. I was nervous but more calm than I thought I would be. I didn't really get too worked up until just before surgery. Luckily, I was given the good stuff that helped me not care about much of anything. haha
The worst part of it all was the IV. It took the anesthesiologist three times to get one to work and let me tell you - it HURT where she put it in my wrist. It hurt then and it hurt after surgery. The nightshift nurse felt so bad for me, she took it out prematurely. I am black and blue from that experience.
Anyway, I was in surgery for a couple of hours and did well with the anesthesia. The great news is that I have NO facial paralysis - thank You GOD!!!! This is kind of surprising, considering the fact when he got in there, he found that the tumor was attached to my facial nerve. Luckily, the tumor hadn't wrapped itself around the nerve yet, so he was able to remove it fairly easy. He was also able to keep the tumor intact - which is essential because, if it ruptures, the spillage can cause further tumors.
As I woke up, the first thing I remember doing is smiling, just to see if I could. What a relief it was to feel both corners of my mouth go up! I then realized I could blink both eyes - so I knew I had no paralysis there either. I asked if I had any paralysis anywhere and they said, "Nope - you look great!" OMG that was great news to hear.
My entire ear and the area around it are numb and they will be for up to six months, I've been told. It feels so strange in that area but, knowing how much worse it could be, I can handle it with no problem!!
My surgical area goes from right under my ear to behind my ear and down the side of my throat about 2 inches. It looks fairly long, but my hair will hide it. The whole area is sore of course.
Luckily, I have no caving in my face where the tumor was removed. The resident who works with Dr. Parke told me it looked perfect and that my face looks symmetrical.
The reason it looks normal is because my doctor put in some filler called AlloDerm to restore its shape. Alloderm is made up of donated human tissue. You can't really tell there's been major work there at all.
All in all, considering it was tricky surgery, it all worked out just right. Scott was wonderful through it all. I couldn't have done any of this without his endless love and support. When I got up yesterday morning, he had the best card waiting for me. Man I love him. He is truly my rock, and I am so very blessed.
Ok...I am going to take some pain meds now and go to sleep. I didn't sleep at all in the hospital. Ugh!
Thank you friends for your prayers and support, and thank You God for seeing me through another trial in life. You are so good to me!
Melissa
P.S. Here's a link to pics of my surgical area. You can see what I look like right now!
http://melissastransformation.homestead.com/parotid.html
I woke up feeling pretty good about things. I was nervous but more calm than I thought I would be. I didn't really get too worked up until just before surgery. Luckily, I was given the good stuff that helped me not care about much of anything. haha
The worst part of it all was the IV. It took the anesthesiologist three times to get one to work and let me tell you - it HURT where she put it in my wrist. It hurt then and it hurt after surgery. The nightshift nurse felt so bad for me, she took it out prematurely. I am black and blue from that experience.
Anyway, I was in surgery for a couple of hours and did well with the anesthesia. The great news is that I have NO facial paralysis - thank You GOD!!!! This is kind of surprising, considering the fact when he got in there, he found that the tumor was attached to my facial nerve. Luckily, the tumor hadn't wrapped itself around the nerve yet, so he was able to remove it fairly easy. He was also able to keep the tumor intact - which is essential because, if it ruptures, the spillage can cause further tumors.
As I woke up, the first thing I remember doing is smiling, just to see if I could. What a relief it was to feel both corners of my mouth go up! I then realized I could blink both eyes - so I knew I had no paralysis there either. I asked if I had any paralysis anywhere and they said, "Nope - you look great!" OMG that was great news to hear.
My entire ear and the area around it are numb and they will be for up to six months, I've been told. It feels so strange in that area but, knowing how much worse it could be, I can handle it with no problem!!
My surgical area goes from right under my ear to behind my ear and down the side of my throat about 2 inches. It looks fairly long, but my hair will hide it. The whole area is sore of course.
Luckily, I have no caving in my face where the tumor was removed. The resident who works with Dr. Parke told me it looked perfect and that my face looks symmetrical.
The reason it looks normal is because my doctor put in some filler called AlloDerm to restore its shape. Alloderm is made up of donated human tissue. You can't really tell there's been major work there at all.
All in all, considering it was tricky surgery, it all worked out just right. Scott was wonderful through it all. I couldn't have done any of this without his endless love and support. When I got up yesterday morning, he had the best card waiting for me. Man I love him. He is truly my rock, and I am so very blessed.
Ok...I am going to take some pain meds now and go to sleep. I didn't sleep at all in the hospital. Ugh!
Thank you friends for your prayers and support, and thank You God for seeing me through another trial in life. You are so good to me!
Melissa
P.S. Here's a link to pics of my surgical area. You can see what I look like right now!
http://melissastransformation.homestead.com/parotid.html
posted by Melissa :-) @ 1:00 PM
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9.02.2005
Post-Op Day 246: It's surgery day
I just wanted to post and say that I am about to leave for Methodist Hospital for my long-awaited/dreaded surgery. I am in a good state of mind right now - just eager to get it over with.
Thank you for your love and support - especially you Diana and Erin. You two are so precious. :-)
I also want to say thank you to Scott for being my rock and giving me this wonderful card this morning. I love you so much.
Ok...let's get this thing over with!
:-)
Thank you for your love and support - especially you Diana and Erin. You two are so precious. :-)
I also want to say thank you to Scott for being my rock and giving me this wonderful card this morning. I love you so much.
Ok...let's get this thing over with!
:-)
posted by Melissa :-) @ 6:12 AM
0 comments
9.01.2005
Post-Op Day 245: Getting ready to clear another hurdle
Good morning...
I am moving at a more leisurely pace than usual. I have an appointment with my surgeon this morning at 10 a.m., so I have a little more time to get moving than normal.
Well, tomorrow is my surgery. I am trying not to freak out, but I've had my panic-attack moments. I am just dreading it - all of it, big and small. What are some of the things that concern me?
I am moving at a more leisurely pace than usual. I have an appointment with my surgeon this morning at 10 a.m., so I have a little more time to get moving than normal.
Well, tomorrow is my surgery. I am trying not to freak out, but I've had my panic-attack moments. I am just dreading it - all of it, big and small. What are some of the things that concern me?
- Not being able to eat or drink after midnight (I am more concerned about not drinking obviously)
- Waiting for the surgery to happen tomorrow (I tend to get overwhelmed and having panic attacks)
- Getting an IV (nurses usually have a hard time running them on me usually)
- Going under anesthesia
- The complexity of the surgery (the tumor is around my facial nerve)
- Waking up and finding out if I have facial paralysis (how scary is that not knowing?!)
- The fear of pain
- Hoping the hospital has some low-sugar, low-carb liquids and soft foods for me (would hate for my first dumping episode to happen there!)
- Being in the hospital overnight (I get antsy and bored really easily)
- Having a drain to deal with
- Having to sleep sitting up for a while
- Not being able to wash my hair as well as I like, if at all
- The recovery process and being out of normal life activities for a week or two
- Having a large scar running down the side of my neck
- The facial numbness and the pain in trying to eat
- Waiting for the pathology report and hoping there are no surprises waiting for me
UGH...
I have faith God will take care of me. I just need to remember my favorite phrase: "Do not fear tomorrow; God is already there."
Katrina
This is absolutely the most horrible thing to watch on TV. I pray God protects and blesses each person who is affected.
This is also scary for me because I live in the Houston area - a city that is also vulnerable to hurricanes. Most people from this area are use to the idea of living in a hurricane-prone area. I myself, being from Indiana, am not use to this. It is horrible to think that sometime we might have to go through all this.
It's really made me think about what I would want to save here in the house and what I am prepared to lose. Luckily, Scott's parents would be our destination. I cannot imagine if you had nowhere to go. But the thought of losing my job - even if it is temporary - is scary. I just feel fortunate we have an extensive support system with his family and mine. I mean, if worse came to worse, we could eventually go to Indiana and live.
OK enough of thinking about all this...I've got enough to worry about at this moment.
The scale is moving again
I was thrilled yesterday to see the scale reading 208.5. I was even more thrilled to see today that it read 208! I am so excited that I am 9 pounds from being in the 100s, and I have only 49 more pounds to reach my goal weight!!
I realize that over the next week or so, my weight is going to fluctuate like crazy. First, I will be pumped full of IV fluids, so I am sure I will gain. Then, after several days of liquids and soft foods, I could very well lose some from that. Finally, once I return to normal eating, I will probably gain a little. So, I need to read this when I feel a little crazy from the scale. :-)
I'm outta here...
Ok I need to get ready to visit the surgeon and go to work. Sorry this is a little blah. I am not usually this down. I know it will all work itself out. I just gotta keep pressing forward.
Onward and upward, Butterfly!
posted by Melissa :-) @ 7:56 AM
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