It seems each day brings about so many wonderful comments and happenings that they start piling on top of one another. So, I wanted to touch on some highlights that I don’t want to forget.
I was keeping a running list of things to talk about but, somehow, I lost it. Grrrrr… So, I will try to recall as much as I can…
Where I am right nowFirst I should catch you up on where I am right now. After getting to a low of 161.5 from about 168, my weight bounced back up some without warning. I lost pretty quickly because I had been sick, so I shouldn’t be surprised it came back. But man, it’s frustrating!
March 1 was my 14-month anniversary and I weighed in at 165. The following day I was at 166. But, the past three days I have been eating like a horse. Friday and yesterday I weighed 164; today I weighed 163. So – who knows? I just keep bouncing back and forth in this range. It was driving me absolutely nuts but I’ve learned to not let it get to me. Yesterday I reminded myself to just be appreciative of how darn far I have come!
Here's a pic of me from Thursday. My eyes have been messed up due to allergies or something, so if I look a bit cock-eyed (hehe inside joke between Diana and me) - you'll know why. :-)
Me – a size 10??At 163 lbs., I have lost 161 pounds total from a starting weight of 324 lbs. I have completely bypassed size 12 for the most part and I now can fit into size 10s (down from a size 30/32)!!!!!!! OMG!!!!
I never dreamed I could ever do that – but I now own a pair of great-fitting size 10 pants and other size 10s fit me in the fitting room!!! I also wear size Medium too!! That’s right – size-tag wise, no more LARGE for me. That’s so awesome considering I was tight in size 3X when I began this journey.
Yesterday I spent $100 on about 10 designer items of clothes at a consignment shop. Before this surgery, I was never able to shop in “normal-size stores” nor was I ever able to wear name brands like Talbots, Calvin Klein, Express, Ann Taylor and Cache in regular sizes – but now I can! I am in sizes that I didn’t even wear as a 12 year old! That blows me away! I remember as a teen being so jealous of other kids my age being able to wear name-brand clothes. Now, at the age of 34, I finally can!
I went into this little diva-style specialty shop after the consignment shop. They had this gorgeous totally glam turquoise sleeveless top. I laughed and told the clerk that while that was the most beautiful top ever, I could never fit into it. She thought I could. I tried it on. It fit me like a glove! OMG it is so gorgeous and it FITS!! So, I bought it for my birthday outfit.
I hate my flabby arms, so I wanted a wrap or something. Well, I found this ultra-glam silver crochet poncho (sounds weird but it’s actually totally hip) to go over it. Together, they say WOW! I found some matching turquoise earrings and bracelet. I might be so bold after a few drinks to remove the pancho and bare my arms to the world. Who knows how daring I might get. hehe
I went to another consignment store and found this hot little size 11 black stretchy MINI mini-skirt with a slit up the FRONT. I never would have thought twice about buying it before – but now (even though I know I still have thick legs and I can see my belly buldge) I am going for it. It’s the shortest skirt I have ever bought in my life!
When I got home and put the ensemble on for Scott, he was like “My God – you look incredible!” He said it is the perfect birthday outfit and it really captures the essence of me! I am so thrilled to wear it next Saturday!
I tried on the other clothes for him. He said he’s still not use to seeing me so “trim.” Ha! That is so weird to hear that word describe me. I pointed out my bulging belly and he said it isn’t how I see it and I am looking at myself through the fun-house mirror again. He said I am so small now and seeing me in those “tiny” clothes really brings home the fact of how much I have lost.
He really boosted my self-confidence. So, I took the mini-skirt out for a spin when we went out last night. I wore a tight white frilly shirt with it. I felt so self-conscious –especially when I would go to the bathroom and see my reflection! But, I did get a some attention. Haha A lady told me I was “so sexy” and I had an old man ask me to dance. I declined. Too funny!
When I was on the floor dancing with a girl, some young guy came up behind me and was dancing up on me. I just looked over at Scott and we started laughing! Another guy in that young guy’s group stopped me when I was walking by and told me how hot he thought I was.
I said, “You’re really young, aren’t you?” He told me he was 21. I told him I was way older than that. He told me, “That’s great – I love hot older women like you!” *rolling my eyes!*
Anyway, one last thought about clothing…It’s weird – when I was shopping, I had to get a 16 in one skirt. For a split second I thought: “Oh my gosh – I don’t want to get that big of a size.”
I can’t believe I thought that considering how for YEARS I would have killed to be a size 16. In fact, this time last year, I couldn’t even imagine getting down to that size. It’s funny how quickly you get spoiled. I don’t like thinking like that. I want to always remember and appreciate from where it is that I’ve come. I never, ever want to take this blessing for granted!
Feeling like a little lady :-)Another thing that blows me away is that I weigh less than my hubby. In fact, I am now about 40 pounds less than him! I’ve spent most of the time that I’ve known him being a good 100 pounds or so heavier than him.
In fact, I’ve spent my adult life being bigger than most men. I got so use to the fact that I am always blown away when a guy says his weight and I weight less. I just assume I am bigger than him. And, when I see myself in a pic next to a man, it now freaks me out because I almost always look smaller or the same size as him! So, in a matter of 14 months, I have really shifted things in that sense.
One of the greatest moments in my weight-loss surgery journey happened in December at a show Scott produced. I was taking photos of people I knew and this big muscular man said he wanted to pose with me. When my friend went to take our photo, the big man actually picked me UP off the ground!!
I was mortified! I weighed 180 at the time and I thought for sure I would be breaking his back at any moment!! When he put me down, I apologized for my weight and asked if he was ok. He told me “It was nothing! You’re light!”
I told him he made my night because I had just lost about 144 pounds in the past year and I’ve never been picked up like that! Below is the photo from that moment. I look horrible, but you can at least tell how mortified I was!
Anyway, another magical moment has been that I can now actually FIT into Scott’s jeans and button them up!! To be able to do that is absolutely the craziest thing ever! I mean, to me and everyone else, he’s considered slim (though he doesn’t see himself that way!). Yet, I am now able to slip on his size 33X32 jeans. Now, I don’t think I could wear them comfortably cuz I have too many curves. Haha But still…you get the picture of how cool it is for me to reach such a milestone!
People say the darndest things…Every day people comment on my weight loss it seems. For the most part, I really love and appreciate it.
Like on Thursday for instance, one of my employees was going nuts over seeing me in my size 10 pants. She sees me every day, but she couldn’t get over how small she thought I looked in these because they fit my shape. She said I look like I weigh 100 pounds. Haha! It was great to hear her go nuts though because I feel very self-conscious in them actually. I feel like a stuffed sausage wearing pants that fit.
I’ve been called “Skinny,” “Twiggy” and, my fave, “Dainty.” I asked my friend John why he would call me dainty. His response was: “You’re just so petite now!” I find that hysterical! Let me say for the record that I am the world’s largest “petite” woman at 5’7” and 166 pounds! I love it!
I am also told REPEATEDLY that I am going to “blow away” or that I am “shrinking down to nothing.” I know people mean well, but those words border on bothering me. What officially bothers me is when I hear “You are getting too skinny!” and “Stop losing weight! You’ve lost enough!”
The thing is – if I were starving myself or seriously on the low end of a healthy BMI, I would understand the concern. But, the reality is, I AM STILL CONSIDERED OVERWEIGHT FOR MY HEIGHT! To even be at the top of the healthy-weight range for my BMI, I have to weigh 159. My goal is to get down to about 148 so that I have room to fluctuate.
When people ask me if I want to lose any more weight and I respond, “Yes, about 20 pounds more and I am done!” – they start lecturing me. I know these people love me and are concerned, but I am in no way risking my health. I am only seeking to better it by removing excess weight to be considered “healthy” by the medical standard definition.
Ok…rant is complete. :-)
I do think it is awesome when I meet someone who didn’t know me before the surgery and they can’t believe how much I have lost. I’ve heard several times: “Oh wow! You look like you’ve been thin all your life!” Man, that’s the best comment ever – even though I don’t consider myself thin.
Another one of my employees told me that she can’t understand why I would want plastic surgery because my body is in such good shape and it looks tight and fit. Ohhhh how I wish it was. At least I am great optical illusions. Just call me David Blaine!
Turning the tablesAlong with the weight-loss compliments, I find that I get just a lot of nice compliments in general about my looks. I’ve always been one to really put myself out there and be outgoing, so I’ve always been lucky enough to meet some nice people who had told me I was attractive –even at 324 pounds. But even I have to admit now that I’ve lost a chunk of weight, I get more attention.
I’ve always thought that would really tick me off. I know there was nothing wrong with me before and, as I’ve written before, I’ve really carried a big chip on my shoulder about that.
However, I have found that I find a certain sense of …I dunno…maybe revenge in it all? I really am not evil – I promise. It’s just kinda satisfying to have men who thought I wasn’t attractive before acting like fools now around me. For instance, remember the one guy who had never acknowledged me pre-op pissed me off about 100 pounds ago when he told my friend Mark something like “Now Melissa’s lost a lot of weight, she looks really good”?
Well, he finally approached me to tell me himself. Before a meeting, he swiveled his chair around to face me and goes: “So…have you gotten rid of all your original clothes?” I was kinda taken back because it came out of nowhere. I told him that people in the weight-loss surgery world pass their clothes to one another.
He said that when he lost his weight (80 pounds), he kept them for a while. Then he stressed he had them in a spare closet for a long time – which he could do because he is SINGLE. Haha He kept bringing up that fact too.
To give him credit, he was very nice and interested in my journey and progress. But I got a lot of satisfaction when he kept saying: “I just have to say you look amazing” or “Well, you are certainly incredible looking.” I know, probably pretty petty on my part, but still…
I also had another bit of satisfaction come from compliments from another known asshole at work. This guy also had never really acknowledged me pre-op. Then one day I walk into a meeting and he goes, “If Melissa loses anymore weight, we’re not going to be able to see her.”
I was shocked he even knew my name or noticed my loss. I thanked him and told him how much I have lost. He told me, “Well you really look terrific.”
Later that evening at a happy hour, he kept following me around. When I mentioned my husband, he was like, “Oh you’re married?” I wanted to say, “Yes, that’s why I changed my last name almost two years ago!” Ugh!
A week or so later, I was walking out the front door of our building and I saw him sitting next to my friend in the newsroom. I was feeling self-conscious that day because it was the first time I wore the size 10 pants and a snug new shirt. I saw them looking and it made me feel more self-conscious. Haha
Anyway, later that day, my friend came in laughing. She said, “I have to tell you something that’s going to crack you up!” As I was walking out, this particular had leaned over to my friend and said, “Melissa is SO HOT!”
YES! Victory is mine! Haha
In all honesty, all that matters to me is that my husband finds me attractive. The rest is just nice, you know?
I do love when I go out dancing now, though, that I seem to get the best looking guys in the bar hitting on me now. Before, I had nice looking, conservative guys approaching me. Now I get the ones that the ladies drool over – handsome cowboys, eye-catching muscle men and the alluring Latin Lover types.
It’s funny though – even if I were single – none of them would be the one I would go for. I’ve actually found them to be nice guys and I’ve made friends with several – so I am not knocking them at all. However, I know that 160 pounds ago, I doubt many of them would have taken the time to talk to me to even find out that I am cool chick. I think one or two would have – but the rest wouldn’t have.
So, in the end, I would have picked one that would have liked me pre-op – someone who liked me for my personality, intelligence, sexiness and sassiness. That’s why I appreciate Scott so much. He loved me then – as-is; and he loves me now – as-is. If I were single now, I wouldn’t pick someone for looks alone, so why would I want someone who would pick me for looks alone? It definitely is a superficial world – more than I ever imagined.
