Today's the day!

Today is the day I get to meet with the nutritionist and Dr. Naaman!

I got up at 4:20 a.m. Scott juiced pineapple for us. It was soooo good. I am already tired, but I am glad I am up early. I can't eat or drink after 8 a.m. because I have to take some test. So, I need to make the most of this time.

I am feeling somewhat better about the loose skin issue. Scott told me it's nothing we can't get fixed. He is so awesome. I love him so much! I also received a great response in my online support group from Donna G. who has 164 pounds in a year.

She said:

"Just keep in mind that if you have excess skin, you have it whether it's stuffed full or "deflated" like mine is getting. I'd rather have my skin loose than packed full. It's scary before surgery - we've gone through it, and we remember it. I would do it again in a heartbeat though, without hesitation. Fears, sure, but no hesitation. It was the best thing I ever could have done for myself. Keep doing your research! The more you learn, the more strength over your fears you have, the more in control you feel. Dr. Naaman is the best!"

Isn't that great?!

My friend L has also worked to calm my fears. She is the best. Having her on this journey too means the world to me! I love you L!

I know what Donna means about the more I learn, the most strength I will have over my fears - thus the more in control I will feel. I've been doing that. I've read and read and read. I have an overwhelming sense that this is indeed for me. I just have to face these fears as they come and then move on.

Ok I am going to go walk the dog and work out on the bowflex. I pray you are finding peace too, no matter where you are on your journey!

Feeling wishy-washy

Two more days until I meet with Dr. Naaman!

I have been so damn wishy-washy about the surgery this weekend. I think that I am feeling some stress about it since it is seeming more real. I know in my heart it's the right thing to do and I want to do it, but I've seen some website about loose skin and health problems that have scared me to death. UGH!

I know God will lead me down the right path....

On track for a new me!

I spoke with Bernie in Dr. Naaman's office today. I explained to her what the nurse at the insurance company said. Bernie explained that what the nurse wants is Dr. Naaman's assessment of my situation. The existing paperwork will still be acceptable. I thought so, but hearing her say it made me feel better.

She said it takes Dr. Naaman up to two weeks or so to get his assessment to the insurance company. I told her that I had hope to have the surgery by the end of the year. I was surprised when Bernie said we seemed to be on track and it could very well happen before then. That was mind-blowing! The surgery has always felt like it would happen "sometime." To think of it assigned to a date is wild!

Other than that, that's the only news I have regarding WLS. It rained and rained today. I did walk the dog in the rain though - just my usual distance. Still, I went around the block. haha

I got to see my favorite astronaut ever today - Mike Fincke! He is just back from his six-month stay on the International Space Station! He looked terrific! He said my Hello Kitty is still up there. She will come home on the Space Shuttle's first return-to-flight mission. Isn't that cool? So, my Hello Kitty has been aboard both a Russian spacecraft and the Space Station - now she will be riding the Space Shuttle!

To see pics of Hello Kitty's adventure, please visit:
http://community.webshots.com/user/funwithmelissa

I went shopping tonight. I am mortified - size 26-28 no longer fits well. :-( As I was shopping though, I kept thinking about how next year at this time I will be a different size! As I drove by "skinny people" stores, I looked at their display windows. The clothes were so cute. I realized that I will eventually be able to wear more stylish clothes like that. I CANNOT WAIT! It doesn't even seem real. I've been fat all my life.

Ok I am exhausted. Night night!

xoxoxo

A variety of emotions...

Well, I am feeling a variety of emotions...

I called the insurance company. They actually gave me the name of the nurse working my claim - Gretchen - as well as her direct extension and my reference number. I left her a voicemail and she called back a few hours later. She was very personable - a nurturing soul. She told me all I lacked was my psych eval and proof of creditable coverage, which I knew.

I told her I had them both and she said "Great! Just fax them over."

I then asked her if I wanted to switch surgeons, would it be a big deal. She said, "Yes! You would have to start from scratch."

I about freaked out! She then explained that since I already have the paperwork they require, it shouldn't be hard to start over. She agreed I need to find the right surgeon for me. So, she told me to not fax those items. Instead, give them to the folks at Dr. Naaman's office. They can start a new case file on me. Basically, it's just all the paperwork I have plus what Dr. Naaman has to say.

I asked her how long it would take to approve then. She said it generally doesn't take too long. She THEN told me that if a person has all their paperwork together and gets them the stuff they want (which I have done and will do again), getting approval from them is pretty easy. YAYAYYA!

Sooooooooo, I meet with Dr. Naaman one week from today. I cannot WAIT! I want them to get the paperwork sent off so that I can get that approval ASAP! Gretchen will be my contact once more, so I feel comfortable calling her for status reports.

While this feels like a setback, I think things are still moving forward. Dr. Harberg's nurse called today checking on the status of the paperwork. I feel bad that I probably won't go with them. I really liked everyone there - including Dr. H. I just need to do what I think will work best for me, though.

Anyway...I worked out on the bowflex again today, as well as took a good long walk at 5:55 a.m. I am loving this new routine. Now, if only I would be able to eat less and better. I have no willpower anymore it seems.

As for all the work worries I had yesterday - they all blew over. I even stressed about it all last night, in my dreams and this morning.

However, my boss was amazingly cool about it. She told me:

"Thanks for figuring this out! Don’t beat yourself up too bad. This was an easy mistake to make. Trust me…it could be a lot worse. I’m very glad that you took the time to figure it out."

After I profusely thanked her for being merciful, she told me:

"Please don’t ever let something like this cause you to lose sleep. If you need to, you can always call me at home so that we can discuss it and keep it from making you crazy. Just remember, you are doing a great job and I really appreciate your dedication!"

Wow...I am so blessed. Thank you God.

Moving right along...

My letter of creditable coverage from my old insurance FINALLY arrived! I finally have all my paperwork gathered! I feel like I just won a marathon - I can't imagine how amazing I will feel when I actually get approval! ;-)

Tomorrow I am contacting my new insurance company to ask where I need to send it and my psych letter, and how long will it take for a decision. I am hoping I will hear something in at least a month.

Other than that, today was pretty good and then it sucked. I had a major oversight on timesheets at work. For almost three months, three guys have been charging their time to the wrong code and I didn't even notice it. The actual code and task order names are the same, but they start with two different letters - one is MA05 10.2.1 and the other one is AP05 10.2.1. UGH!

I feel so sick over it. I love my job so much and I excel at it. This is my first major mistake. I don't want to get in trouble. I HATE getting in trouble - so I work so hard to avoid it. Being a supervisor, I hate when people are in trouble with me.

So, what did I do? I came home and stuffed my face. :-( I hadn't eaten terrific today, but I had gotten up and did some exercise this morning on the Bowflex. I hate when I ruin the good stuff I do with my overeating. I get so damn hungry when I am stressed.

ok I need to go to bed. I just had to share about the final piece of the puzzle arriving. :-)

This and that....

I just added the link to more photos of me...
http://community.webshots.com/user/funwithmelissa

I've got various photos of me in various diva-like moments. hahha I've also got some other stuff in there - my hubby Scott, my dog Katie, our house, work stuff.

Anyway, Scott and I ordered a bowflex about six weeks ago and it finally arrived this past week. He spent yesterday assembling it. It is soooooooo neat! It's much nicer than I anticipated. But, I guess for $2,000 it should be pretty nice, huh?

This morning, I got up and powerwalked for 15 minutes around the neighborhood. I have horrible feet, so powerwalking is hard for me. But, it felt good doing it.

Then, I spent my whole morning trying to learn the Bowflex! I created a spreadsheet to track my workouts. I then learned about my first two-week workout.

I feel like I could do more since I lifted a lot at the YMCA. However, since this is my first time using the machine and I haven't been to the Y in a few months, I thought I better just follow the instructions and start out slow.

It worked me out better than I imagined it would. Even now, a few hours later, I am feeling it in my body. As much as I weigh, I seriously do like working out. That's one of the main reasons to have the surgery - so I can shed some of the excessive weight and be able to have better workouts.

I was telling my friend L that I told Scott that I hope when I have the surgery and lose the weight, a wonderfully developed body will be underneath. I will be a butterfly. :-)

Anyway, after working out, I was starving! I hope when I have the surgery I won't be as hungry after working out. So, since then, I have eaten a big breakfast and some fudge. I cannot wait until my food choice will be limited. I function better when I have structure - so the surgery will provide just that.

I cannot wait to have the tool - gastric bypass! I told Scott that I realize once I have the surgery, I will only have about a year so open window to make the most of it. So, I want to use each day in that year the best that I can. It will be a year focused on ME! :-)

Catching up!

I know it's been a long time for me to update. I am still on the journey. It's just that so much has taken place. Whew!

Let me catch up...

DR. HARBERG
I met with Dr. Harberg on Oct. 8. I had to watch a video about the VBG surgery, and then I got to meet with him. He was as gruff as everyone says about him - but he was also a good man.

His goal is to scare the hell out of you, which is understandable. Any weight-loss surgery is serious. He wants to weed out people who aren't prepared for this. I admire him for taking that approach. So many other doctors would see all of us wanting the surgery as money in the bank. He sees us a people.

I wasn't scared of him. I knew what to expect. I also had done my homework. Once he realized that, he lightened up. After talking with me for about a half-hour, he determined that I was a great candidate. On Oct. 11, his office sent off my paperwork.

(One interesting side note: I learned that I am 5'7" by his account - not 5'8" like I've always thought!)


A NEW APPROACH
After meeting with him, however, I determined that I didn't want the VBG. It seems that a lot of people have them revised into the RNY anyway. Plus, I didn't like the fact that I could basically eat what I wanted after 6 weeks. I need to know that I cannot eat sugar or sweets. I didn't want to go through major surgery, only to set myself up for failure. Finally, the thought of having the NG tube down my throat for a day or so scared me terribly. I would HATE IT!

So, I started searching for docs who do the RNY. I confided to my friend *L* that I am wanting the surgery. She then confided in me that she is on this journey too! I was so thrilled! She turned me on to the doc she wants to use - Dr. Adam Naaman.

I called his office. The receptionist was rude. I told L. She said she had the same problem and told me to e-mail Kimberly Taylor, who is the Bariatric Program Manager at Memorial Hermann Memorial City Hospital where Dr. Naaman operates.

In five minutes, Kimberly called me. She was sooooooooooooooooooo wonderful! She apologized for the response I got and said she would talk to the office manager. She and I then talked for a half hour. Kim had the RNY done and has lost a great deal of weight. She sent me her pics. I couldn't believe how awesome she looks.

We talked about the fears, excitement and impatience this journey creates. She also told me about a support group at the hospital she runs that I should attend. Finally, she invited me to join their yahoo group as well! I hit the jackpot!

Later that day, Bernie the office manager called me. She was AWESOME! She too apologized for the treatment and faxed me over the paperwork immediately. We talked for a while too. I just loved her and the personal touch she adds.

That night I filled out the paperwork and faxed it back. Bernie called the next day and said she received it. She then told me that we should just let Dr. Harberg's office get the insurance approval and then I can switch it to Dr. Naaman.

She also told me that I needed a psych eval and a letter from my PCP before I could meet with Dr. Naaman, even though I didn't need it to meet with Dr. Harberg or for them to submit my info to insurance.

Sooooooooo....I called my PCP. And, to my surprise, I learned she was out on maternity leave! nooooooooooo I made an appointment with the fill-in doc anyway.

A DETOUR
Well, I had a well-woman exam, which was a few months overdue. For my size, I am in great health. My blood pressure was excellent. She reviewed my records and saw how my previous test were great too. She was hesitant about writing a letter for me, not knowing me. But I asked her to please do it.

She wanted to wait until I got the results of a mammogram and ultrasound on a breast lump that I had felt for a while. She also had me do a blood workup.

My pap smear and all the bloodwork came back normal - my cholesterol was great, my triglycerides were great, everything was great. The transvagial ultrasound I had showed that my ovaries were functioning properly. Having battled infertility, this was awesome news. My mammogram and ultrasound showed nothing - which surprised me. It surprised her too, considering she felt it.

So, she sent me to a surgeon. He felt the lump and suggest we remove it surgically. UGH. So, on Tuesday, Nov. 4, I had surgery. I was really scared. They tried to run my IV 3 times before they got it on the 4th try. OUCH. They did it in the operating room - and I panicked. It was so scary laying there. I started questioning if I wanted to go through weight-loss surgery or not!

I spent a few days recovering. Luckily, the lump was a benign cyst. Thank You God!

BACK ON TRACK!
I finally received the letter from the acting PCP! Woo hoo! All I needed was my psych eval, which was easy because I see the counselor at work for my ADD. She said she would write it.

However...Dr. Harberg's office called and said that the insurance needed just two more things: A letter from my old insurance stating that I had credible coverage before I got my current insurance AND a psych eval from a Ph.D., medical doctor or a counselor with a master's in social work. I thought, "No Problem!"

Well...my counselor has a master's in counseling. LUCKILY, another counselor in the office has the credentials! So, I met with her on Monday, Nov. 8. She was nice. She was like, "Why do YOU want the surgery?? You don't look like you need it!" I said, "I weigh 320 pounds!" She couldn't believe it. So, that's good. She had the letter ready that same day!

I called my former insurance group and they take 7-10 days to mail that credible coverage letter. I thought they could just fax it to me.

So! I finally got all of my remaining paperwork (PCP letter and psych letter) in so I can meet with Dr. Naaman. I go on Tuesday, Nov. 23. YAY! Ironically and unbeknownst to me, I scheduled my appointment at 4 p.m. - right before L's appointment at 4:30. haha So, I am going to wait for her and we're going to dinner so we don't have to fight the Houston rush-hour traffic.

I am excited to meet him and Bernie! I very much want this to happen!

On the other side of the fence, all I need to satisfy my insurance is that letter of credible coverage and the psych eval, which I have of course. The lady at Dr. Harberg's office seems to think that once I get this all turned in, I shouldn't have a prob getting the approval. Great West Insurance tends to be good at this.

I CANNOT WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is the first time I have truly felt impatient! haha I feel very stuck in the in-between.

Tomorrow afternoon I am going to try and make it to the support group meeting. I cannot wait to meet so many of the nice people I've met in the Yahoo group. :-) yay! I feel so blessed to have L on this journey with me, as well as all the new friends I am making along the way. How wonderful is that?

IT'S TIME FOR A NEW ME
After spending all this time on my journey and reading these profiles, I know with all my heart I am ready for this. I am tired of living half a life. I have the spirit that is meant to live a full, active and joyful existence. I am scared to change, but I know it is time.

Anyway, I pray you are doing well on your journey, no matter the stage you are in.

xoxox Melissa