Post-Op Day 6 - Oh what a night...and a lot of insight!
My throat totally felt swollen last night. So much, I got really worried. This is the recap I posted to the support group:
As you all know, I have been having some problems with feeling that
my throat is swelling - making it hard to swallow. At first, I
thought it might be some kind of complication with the surgery. But
then I learned it wasn't.
Regardless, last night it seemed to be getting worse. So much so, it
scared me. Every time I tried to sleep, it would feel like my air was
cutting off because of the swelling. I even tried sleeping sitting
up. I couldn't.
I racked my brain trying to think if I was having an allergic
reaction to anything. I don't have any known allergies, so it was
definitely hard to think of something.
I finally just gave up and called a not-too-thrilled Julius. I felt
horrible, but I am told by everyone repeatedly to call Dr. N's office
when I have problems. I wasn't going to sit and self-diagnose, you
know?
Anyway, he just bluntly told me to go to the emergency room - "MY
emergency room."
So we travelled the distance to Memorial Hermann Memorial City's
emergency room. We were there from 2-5 a.m. They couldn't find
anything wrong, but luckily they could rule out any allergic
reactions.
The doc was great. She knew something was definitely up, but she
could not find any signs of swelling. What she and I think happened
is that the tube down my throat in surgery left me very tender in
that area. And, when I drank a little-too-warm broth two nights ago,
it might have scalded it and created some swelling down in there. I
drank some warm broth last night, and perhaps it caused it to flare
up again.
The doc said that my breathing airway is 99 percent open, so things
are just fine - albeit a little scary for me.
She had to call Dr. N for another one of his patients she had, so she
threw my info in. He said I could stay, be admitted and have scope
check it out, or I could go home and see how it goes. Scott and I
decided that I should go home. If it gets worse, we'll deal with it
through the other option.
Anyway, we came home and I just woke up. I am so exhausted and
frustrated. However, I try to see the positive side. At least I have
peace of mind that nothing is seriously wrong like massive swelling.
Other than that - I feel very, very good! :-) Last night when I
weighed at the emergency room, I was already down 11 pounds according
to their scales. So that's good news.
I just wanted to share...Thanks for your support.
Anyway...it's been ok today. I still feel it. I went and laid on the couch earlier, and it is feels bad again. So I guess I have another uncomfortable night ahead of me. I am feeling exhausted.
Other than that - I'm feeling much better than I ever thought I would be feeling six days post-op. :-) I did some work from home and I really burned up the message boards!
My first surreal WLS moment...
At the emergency room, the nurse asked me how much I weighed. I started to answer my starting weight, but stopped and said, "You know - I really don't know." It was the weirdest feeling.
He said, well let's get you on the scale and see. He was so nice...he pushed the weight to 150...I said, Thank you for being kind, but keep pushing to 300."
His scale said 314, which would be an 11-pound loss if it were Naaman's scale.
I thought to myself, "WOW this is really going to happen!"
When you're in the middle of the broth-clear liquids phase, and you're newly post-op, I think you forget that there ARE going to rewards to this hard work! :-)
Next...
Tomorrow is my appointment with Julius. He will take out the drain! I am so excited about it but, again, the thought of it scares me since I've heard some say it hurts! I won't miss this thing one bit!
I am excited to see what their scale says! Also, once I get checked out, I will hopefully graduate to full liquids. YEE HA! I am sooo excited I can't stand it!
PANIC!
Today I had my first panic attack over the surgery. I just started craving food and the reality of me not being able to eat it totally hit me. Scott said, "Now you know what it's like to try and stop smoking."
I said, "Well imagine that you've surgically altered your body where, once you quit, you couldn't go back when you really wanted one or it would hurt (or possibly kill) you if you gave in?"
I grabbed a bottle of Gatorade, sat down at my office, sipped while I closed my eyes and chilled out. I was so glad when the feeling passed over me. I think when I am able to at least eat something of substance (even if it is just pudding or yogurt), I won't be as panicked. Liquids and broth are tough on the mind.
For pre-ops and post-ops...
I posted this in my doctor’s online support group, but I thought it might be good to share here too…
Today I got an e-mail from my coworker who is going to have the RNY surgery. She first thought it was going to be Dec. 30, but she had to do more testing. She learned that she has severe sleep apnea and erosion in her esophagus.
Her date is being pushed back to February, so that she can be fitted for a CPAP and so that she can begin taking Nexium. Like most pre-ops, she is frustrated. The day can't get here soon enough for her.
I replied back to her with a lengthy email. After writing it, I realized it's a letter I would like to share with all pre-ops and new post-ops, like me.
So, here goes...
I am really glad you're learning these things about your health before your surgery. I know February seems like forever, but God has perfect timing. Let me tell you, you WANT to get those things diagnosed and fixed.
This surgery takes your strength and defenses down to ZERO for a few days. Sure, I bounced back faster than I EVER dreamed, but because I had a few days at zero, it will be a struggle to get the strength and defenses back up to where I had them.
With that said, it's amazing how your body recovers from one day of sheer hell. I thought I would never shake that - but after about two days, the pain I went through became a blur in my mind.
This first week on water, Gatorade, Crystal Light and broth has been a struggle at times. It's not like I want to gorge myself on food - I actually feel full a lot. It's just that sometimes you realllly miss knowing you can grab a handful of popcorn or grill a hamburger or eat a piece of chocolate.
Right now I am in the in-between stage. I've gone past the point of no return. I can't take it back. It's non-negotiable. I've altered my life forever.
Now, if I were sitting here 30 or 40 pounds lighter, I would say, "WHO CARES! I'm losing substantial weight for the first time in my life!"
But I'm not.
And that's the hardest place to be; the second hardest is where you're at now: The final wait.
Being in-between is very hard. You can see a better future just ahead, but you can't get there fast enough - no matter how much you pray, beg, pout or want.
I am choosing to be positive about being in-between. I am focusing myself. I am really envisioning how I want to change. I am listing what I want to be like - inside and out. I am creating a mental image of the improved me so I have a blueprint to work from. I am listing things I want to do, and physical activities I am going to perform, and I am developing the image I want to exude.
When I was waiting like you, I did the same thing. I developed a blueprint. I am glad I did it then because now I can refine it. I got it all out at first, now I am really getting excited because I am able to shape that even more and I am liking what I see.
In this journey, we're not going to have too many times where we have this kind of breathing room. As everyone tells me, it's a roller coaster ride so hold on. I've also been told that this is a gift we're receiving, so we need to use it wisely.
I am following every rule possible and I am thanking God for this opportunity daily. There are not too many times you get a do-over in life. Neither of us can jump into it blindly. You need a plan. I know there will be many surprises along the way. We might not end up where we envisioned, but I can promise you that we'll be much happier, content and ready to take on the world because we have vision.
I know I have said a lot, but I hope you read it with an open heart. Trust that everything is working out just as planned. :-)
Love you lots!
Melissa
I received a great response to this from my group leader:
Wow. This is so eloquent and so very on target. Melissa, you are
such a wise and beautiful woman ... inside and out. Thank you for
being a part of this dynamic group and for making it just that -- so
very dynamic!
You know, you are absolutely right about having a vision, making a
plan. That was what I did. I asked myself those questions ... Who
am I? Who do I wish to become? What's my style? What do I want to
do that I haven't been able to do because of the weight? What does
my new life look like?
It has been an incredible journey, but had I not envisioned those
things ahead of time, I think I would have been a bit lost. You are
smart to see it in your mind, wrap yourself around it, embrace the
wonderful new you that you are already becoming, and start now to
love yourself.
Thanks again for sharing this ... GREAT words of wisdom for pre-ops,
new post-ops, and those of us further out that need to get some of
the newness and wonder back so that we refocus and go for our dreams.
And this was my reply...
Awww thank you *blush*
You will find as you get to know me more, I am all about self-
empowerment.
Even at my highest weight, I refused to bite into the poison apple
presented by "society" that you can only be happy and sexy if you're
thin. That's a lie. Sexy comes in all sizes and so do happy people.
Liz can confirm I have always preached that attitude is everything
and you must love yourself as-is. I don't think you can be truly
successful in this journey – or any life journey really - if you
don't love yourself as-is. You will never be fulfilled. Something
will always be missing.
I learned to love myself as-is a long time ago. I embraced my
sensuality and I ensured that I had a happy spirit and a fulfilled
soul by working on being good to me and expecting nothing but the
best for myself.
For me, I didn't do this surgery to become somebody else...I did it
to ensure I would have great health as I get older. However, I am not
going to fool myself into thinking that my extra weight hasn't
affected me at all. Of course it has. I just didn't let it eat me to
the core.
Knowing that my life would improve even more with the weight loss, I
realized that I had to create a new blueprint for myself so I could
make the most of this gift. I've done two other blueprints in my
life, and both times I exceeded the expectations of the me that I
wanted to become. I achieved success both times beyond my wildest
imagination.
It feels so good knowing where you're going and what you truly want
in life - it ensure you're going to be a success no matter how the
end result ends up being.
I also am not making this journey my last big goal in life. I think a
lot of people trip up there. They have no plans for what happens once
they reach goal weight. For me, after this phase is done, I plan to
go back to college and get a higher degree. Then, I plan to write my
best-seller self-help book (I am a lousy fiction writer).
Perhaps I will reach the second goal before the first. Who knows...I
just know that those new phases will require blueprints too. . :-)
Kim I truly love your wisdom and motivational skills. You're an
incredible leader. I also love your insightfulness. In fact, the
insightfulness of you and this group is what keeps me coming back.
This isn't a place where people whine about not eating twinkies -
it's a place to explore the REAL issues. People who think there are
no real issues with weight-loss surgery are destined to fail. Plain
and simple.
To me, issues are not negatives - just opportunities to grow and
learn even more about myself. I might do so grudgingly, but at least
I am doing it and becoming a better person for it. That's what I like
about everyone here - we discuss the not-so-good stuff, and we still
keep pressing forward.
Thank you all for being who you are. This is indeed a blessed union
of kindred spirits.
Melissa
She then wrote me back a private response that was so sweet....
I just have to say ... You rock! Thank you (again) for so eloquently expressing yourself and what so many of us feel and think (are you inside my head?!?) ;-)
You are already light years ahead of many people on the board (me included, I dare say) in loving yourself and expecting nothing but the best for yourself. I wish I'd had a fraction of that kind of confidence when I was 350 lbs! I had it some, but not nearly to the degree you do, and not nearly as healthy as you.
I'm truly blessed to know you. Thank you for letting me (and others on the board) celebrate the journey with you. Can't wait to see you Sunday(I hope!).
So that really made my day! :-) OK wish me luck on sleeping tonight and getting the drain out tomorrow!
God thank you for another good, safe day. Please bless me.
As you all know, I have been having some problems with feeling that
my throat is swelling - making it hard to swallow. At first, I
thought it might be some kind of complication with the surgery. But
then I learned it wasn't.
Regardless, last night it seemed to be getting worse. So much so, it
scared me. Every time I tried to sleep, it would feel like my air was
cutting off because of the swelling. I even tried sleeping sitting
up. I couldn't.
I racked my brain trying to think if I was having an allergic
reaction to anything. I don't have any known allergies, so it was
definitely hard to think of something.
I finally just gave up and called a not-too-thrilled Julius. I felt
horrible, but I am told by everyone repeatedly to call Dr. N's office
when I have problems. I wasn't going to sit and self-diagnose, you
know?
Anyway, he just bluntly told me to go to the emergency room - "MY
emergency room."
So we travelled the distance to Memorial Hermann Memorial City's
emergency room. We were there from 2-5 a.m. They couldn't find
anything wrong, but luckily they could rule out any allergic
reactions.
The doc was great. She knew something was definitely up, but she
could not find any signs of swelling. What she and I think happened
is that the tube down my throat in surgery left me very tender in
that area. And, when I drank a little-too-warm broth two nights ago,
it might have scalded it and created some swelling down in there. I
drank some warm broth last night, and perhaps it caused it to flare
up again.
The doc said that my breathing airway is 99 percent open, so things
are just fine - albeit a little scary for me.
She had to call Dr. N for another one of his patients she had, so she
threw my info in. He said I could stay, be admitted and have scope
check it out, or I could go home and see how it goes. Scott and I
decided that I should go home. If it gets worse, we'll deal with it
through the other option.
Anyway, we came home and I just woke up. I am so exhausted and
frustrated. However, I try to see the positive side. At least I have
peace of mind that nothing is seriously wrong like massive swelling.
Other than that - I feel very, very good! :-) Last night when I
weighed at the emergency room, I was already down 11 pounds according
to their scales. So that's good news.
I just wanted to share...Thanks for your support.
Anyway...it's been ok today. I still feel it. I went and laid on the couch earlier, and it is feels bad again. So I guess I have another uncomfortable night ahead of me. I am feeling exhausted.
Other than that - I'm feeling much better than I ever thought I would be feeling six days post-op. :-) I did some work from home and I really burned up the message boards!
My first surreal WLS moment...
At the emergency room, the nurse asked me how much I weighed. I started to answer my starting weight, but stopped and said, "You know - I really don't know." It was the weirdest feeling.
He said, well let's get you on the scale and see. He was so nice...he pushed the weight to 150...I said, Thank you for being kind, but keep pushing to 300."
His scale said 314, which would be an 11-pound loss if it were Naaman's scale.
I thought to myself, "WOW this is really going to happen!"
When you're in the middle of the broth-clear liquids phase, and you're newly post-op, I think you forget that there ARE going to rewards to this hard work! :-)
Next...
Tomorrow is my appointment with Julius. He will take out the drain! I am so excited about it but, again, the thought of it scares me since I've heard some say it hurts! I won't miss this thing one bit!
I am excited to see what their scale says! Also, once I get checked out, I will hopefully graduate to full liquids. YEE HA! I am sooo excited I can't stand it!
PANIC!
Today I had my first panic attack over the surgery. I just started craving food and the reality of me not being able to eat it totally hit me. Scott said, "Now you know what it's like to try and stop smoking."
I said, "Well imagine that you've surgically altered your body where, once you quit, you couldn't go back when you really wanted one or it would hurt (or possibly kill) you if you gave in?"
I grabbed a bottle of Gatorade, sat down at my office, sipped while I closed my eyes and chilled out. I was so glad when the feeling passed over me. I think when I am able to at least eat something of substance (even if it is just pudding or yogurt), I won't be as panicked. Liquids and broth are tough on the mind.
For pre-ops and post-ops...
I posted this in my doctor’s online support group, but I thought it might be good to share here too…
Today I got an e-mail from my coworker who is going to have the RNY surgery. She first thought it was going to be Dec. 30, but she had to do more testing. She learned that she has severe sleep apnea and erosion in her esophagus.
Her date is being pushed back to February, so that she can be fitted for a CPAP and so that she can begin taking Nexium. Like most pre-ops, she is frustrated. The day can't get here soon enough for her.
I replied back to her with a lengthy email. After writing it, I realized it's a letter I would like to share with all pre-ops and new post-ops, like me.
So, here goes...
I am really glad you're learning these things about your health before your surgery. I know February seems like forever, but God has perfect timing. Let me tell you, you WANT to get those things diagnosed and fixed.
This surgery takes your strength and defenses down to ZERO for a few days. Sure, I bounced back faster than I EVER dreamed, but because I had a few days at zero, it will be a struggle to get the strength and defenses back up to where I had them.
With that said, it's amazing how your body recovers from one day of sheer hell. I thought I would never shake that - but after about two days, the pain I went through became a blur in my mind.
This first week on water, Gatorade, Crystal Light and broth has been a struggle at times. It's not like I want to gorge myself on food - I actually feel full a lot. It's just that sometimes you realllly miss knowing you can grab a handful of popcorn or grill a hamburger or eat a piece of chocolate.
Right now I am in the in-between stage. I've gone past the point of no return. I can't take it back. It's non-negotiable. I've altered my life forever.
Now, if I were sitting here 30 or 40 pounds lighter, I would say, "WHO CARES! I'm losing substantial weight for the first time in my life!"
But I'm not.
And that's the hardest place to be; the second hardest is where you're at now: The final wait.
Being in-between is very hard. You can see a better future just ahead, but you can't get there fast enough - no matter how much you pray, beg, pout or want.
I am choosing to be positive about being in-between. I am focusing myself. I am really envisioning how I want to change. I am listing what I want to be like - inside and out. I am creating a mental image of the improved me so I have a blueprint to work from. I am listing things I want to do, and physical activities I am going to perform, and I am developing the image I want to exude.
When I was waiting like you, I did the same thing. I developed a blueprint. I am glad I did it then because now I can refine it. I got it all out at first, now I am really getting excited because I am able to shape that even more and I am liking what I see.
In this journey, we're not going to have too many times where we have this kind of breathing room. As everyone tells me, it's a roller coaster ride so hold on. I've also been told that this is a gift we're receiving, so we need to use it wisely.
I am following every rule possible and I am thanking God for this opportunity daily. There are not too many times you get a do-over in life. Neither of us can jump into it blindly. You need a plan. I know there will be many surprises along the way. We might not end up where we envisioned, but I can promise you that we'll be much happier, content and ready to take on the world because we have vision.
I know I have said a lot, but I hope you read it with an open heart. Trust that everything is working out just as planned. :-)
Love you lots!
Melissa
I received a great response to this from my group leader:
Wow. This is so eloquent and so very on target. Melissa, you are
such a wise and beautiful woman ... inside and out. Thank you for
being a part of this dynamic group and for making it just that -- so
very dynamic!
You know, you are absolutely right about having a vision, making a
plan. That was what I did. I asked myself those questions ... Who
am I? Who do I wish to become? What's my style? What do I want to
do that I haven't been able to do because of the weight? What does
my new life look like?
It has been an incredible journey, but had I not envisioned those
things ahead of time, I think I would have been a bit lost. You are
smart to see it in your mind, wrap yourself around it, embrace the
wonderful new you that you are already becoming, and start now to
love yourself.
Thanks again for sharing this ... GREAT words of wisdom for pre-ops,
new post-ops, and those of us further out that need to get some of
the newness and wonder back so that we refocus and go for our dreams.
And this was my reply...
Awww thank you *blush*
You will find as you get to know me more, I am all about self-
empowerment.
Even at my highest weight, I refused to bite into the poison apple
presented by "society" that you can only be happy and sexy if you're
thin. That's a lie. Sexy comes in all sizes and so do happy people.
Liz can confirm I have always preached that attitude is everything
and you must love yourself as-is. I don't think you can be truly
successful in this journey – or any life journey really - if you
don't love yourself as-is. You will never be fulfilled. Something
will always be missing.
I learned to love myself as-is a long time ago. I embraced my
sensuality and I ensured that I had a happy spirit and a fulfilled
soul by working on being good to me and expecting nothing but the
best for myself.
For me, I didn't do this surgery to become somebody else...I did it
to ensure I would have great health as I get older. However, I am not
going to fool myself into thinking that my extra weight hasn't
affected me at all. Of course it has. I just didn't let it eat me to
the core.
Knowing that my life would improve even more with the weight loss, I
realized that I had to create a new blueprint for myself so I could
make the most of this gift. I've done two other blueprints in my
life, and both times I exceeded the expectations of the me that I
wanted to become. I achieved success both times beyond my wildest
imagination.
It feels so good knowing where you're going and what you truly want
in life - it ensure you're going to be a success no matter how the
end result ends up being.
I also am not making this journey my last big goal in life. I think a
lot of people trip up there. They have no plans for what happens once
they reach goal weight. For me, after this phase is done, I plan to
go back to college and get a higher degree. Then, I plan to write my
best-seller self-help book (I am a lousy fiction writer).
Perhaps I will reach the second goal before the first. Who knows...I
just know that those new phases will require blueprints too. . :-)
Kim I truly love your wisdom and motivational skills. You're an
incredible leader. I also love your insightfulness. In fact, the
insightfulness of you and this group is what keeps me coming back.
This isn't a place where people whine about not eating twinkies -
it's a place to explore the REAL issues. People who think there are
no real issues with weight-loss surgery are destined to fail. Plain
and simple.
To me, issues are not negatives - just opportunities to grow and
learn even more about myself. I might do so grudgingly, but at least
I am doing it and becoming a better person for it. That's what I like
about everyone here - we discuss the not-so-good stuff, and we still
keep pressing forward.
Thank you all for being who you are. This is indeed a blessed union
of kindred spirits.
Melissa
She then wrote me back a private response that was so sweet....
I just have to say ... You rock! Thank you (again) for so eloquently expressing yourself and what so many of us feel and think (are you inside my head?!?) ;-)
You are already light years ahead of many people on the board (me included, I dare say) in loving yourself and expecting nothing but the best for yourself. I wish I'd had a fraction of that kind of confidence when I was 350 lbs! I had it some, but not nearly to the degree you do, and not nearly as healthy as you.
I'm truly blessed to know you. Thank you for letting me (and others on the board) celebrate the journey with you. Can't wait to see you Sunday(I hope!).
So that really made my day! :-) OK wish me luck on sleeping tonight and getting the drain out tomorrow!
God thank you for another good, safe day. Please bless me.
posted by Melissa :-) @ 9:31 AM
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