Post-Op Day 3 - Food dreams and a NEW ME!

6:34 a.m. - Ok I am back up. I am not as freaked out as I was. But I did want to share about my dreams. I’ve had several now where I find myself gorging on food; only to remember that I’ve had this surgery.

Sometimes I try minimizing the surgery to others so they don’t think I am a hog. Other times I stop eating and panic because I know all that food is going to make me sick. In my various dreams, I’ve had Mexican food and gas station junk food, as well as desserts and party foods.

As of now, I don’t miss food. The thought of eating makes me sick, actually. Plus, I know this isn’t permanent. So, I am not mourning its loss. There’s no need to. I will have access to food sooner than I want, probably. That’s why I think my dreams are so strange. Maybe I am working out issues in my dreams?

My dreaming in general has been on overload. The meds really bring out the details. Sometimes they bring out scary dreams too. I don’t like it. Most of all, I am having those repetitive dreams. UGH!!!

The changes are beginning…

I was just looking at myself in the mirror. I know I haven’t lost a ton of weight, but I can tell my tummy is looking less bloated like it was before the surgery. My ass isn’t quite as poofy. I bet once I can wear “normal” clothes again (instead of these t-shirts and workout pants to cover the drain bag), I will be able to tell a difference in how my old clothes fit me.

Before my surgery, I was at my highest weight ever – 324 lbs. I never thought I would let myself get to a miserable weight, but I sure did. I don’t know if I would have let it climb that high if I wasn’t going to get the surgery. I think once I knew the surgery was on its way, I just started eating and eating.

A new me!

I am very focused now on reaching my goal of feeling and looking healthy and great. It still freaks me out that I am going to lose a lot of weight. I just can’t comprehend it yet, you know

Some of my physical-fitness goals are as follows:

• To take body-sculpting classes
• To take aerobics classes
• To do yoga on a regular basis
• To take kickboxing classes
• To take bellydancing classes
• To take salsa dancing classes
• To run!

And, as a reminder, here’s how I want to look like on the outside when all is said and done:

Me: Head to Toe

This is the overall image I am striving for…

• I am physically fit and full of life
• Healthy, shiny and stylish hair
• Good complementary makeup
• Great white smile
• Friendly face that puts others at ease, indicates that I understand and shows my enthusiasm for life
• Good skin
• Crisp, organized, sharp, witty and challenged mind
• Well-rested, vibrant appearance
• Stylish clothes that look great on my healthy shape
• Quality jewelry
• Well-groomed nails
• Lusciously soft skin on body
• Appealing fragrance
• Nice underwear, bras and hosiery
• A posture that says I am proud, open, friendly and vivacious
• Stylish shoes
• Tasteful purse, wallet and checkbook that complement one another
• Overall I am a tight, well put together, great package
• I am intriguing, genuine, authentic and magnetic!

I believe you are only able to attain your goals by visualizing your goals. So, all of this is what I am focusing on as I begin the metamorphosis. Luckily, I already have some of those traits. But, I think even the existing traits will be refined in the process.

Ok I am going to try and nap again. I’ve just finished four ounces of Gatorade.