Post-Op Day 215: The blessing of my marriage

This past weekend was one of the best I've ever had in my life. I didn't go out of town or go to any big celebrations; instead, it was all about Scott and me and how we worked to make our marriage as strong as possible.

We focused on us - on our needs, desires, issues and communications. We took time to hear each other, to understand each other and to actively love each other. There's a big difference in just passively loving someone and making the conscious effort to actively love him or her. We're making the effort to be in the constant motion of loving each other and not just taking our love for granted.

As I've stated before, we've been working on to improve our marriage. We've spent more than a month making a very concerted effort to pay attention to one another, to develop new interests together and to just spend more time together. On top of that, we've worked to understand each other - something that we realize now is incredibly important.

Scott in particular has really made a major effort to understand me and to create an environment that is emotionally safe for me to open up to him in all instances. He will never know how much that means to me. He is truly the first man who has tried to understand me and love me truly as-is. For that, I am truly grateful.

Saturday night we went out and had a blast. We had spent the bigger part of the day getting ready to go out. Our new club we go to was having a Christmas in July theme, so we went out and bought a present together. It was fun just getting out and doing that.

Then, we ran some errands, took a nap and went out. The club was hopping. Scott and I saw our new friends and we made another new friend. Scott and I danced, laughed and had a blast! He was soooo fun! It was so wonderful!

Earlier that night, before we got to the club, Scott had to stop by work and take care of a little bit of business. Since he needed his keys, I sat in the dark with no radio and the windows down. I laid back and listened to sounds of the street noise and just enjoyed the calm, relaxing environment.

I thought about how much fun I had with him earlier in the day and how much fun we would have that night. I thought about how far I've come on this weight-loss journey, and how his support means more to me than anything. I then prayed that he and I could really build something amazing on this common ground we had found. Though we had come far, there were some things that we still needed to work through.

Well my prayers were answered on Sunday when Scott and I had probably the most honest and open conversation of our relationship. It wasn't a fight or even tense. It was us both learning that we had come to the same point mentally and emotionally on our own separately. What an amazing feeling to learn we were both on the same page and wanted to build the same thing on our new foundation.

As Scott said, this past month, we've probably done several thousands of dollars worth of marriage therapy by ourselves - and we should be proud that we've done that. I agree totally. We both have given a lot of ourselves and have gotten past the hurt to find the root cause of our issues. Once we did that, we realized we have so much to work with and we both don't want to give up. We want to make the most of this wonderful love we have at the core of our relationship.

We made some promises to each other to ensure we never grow apart again like we had done before. After going through all this tough stuff, neither of us ever want to go back there again. We now know how truly valuable our relationship is, and we both love each other deeply and genuinely. I know I am committed and I know he too is committed to having a wonderful, stable, fun, loving, exciting, non-traditional marriage ever. hehe

For me, I cherish and love that man more than I ever dreamed I could cherish and love a person. It's hard to be vulnerable and let myself love that intensely. I've never done it.

Even with our issues, I still cherished and loved him more than anyone ever. However, I am now ready to take it to an even more deeper level. To do so, I have to possess a trust of Scott to protect my heart. I do and that trust is growing even stronger day by day.

I know how blessed I am to have someone so beautiful and sensitive and yet tough and manly. He is the perfect mix for me, and maybe that is what has scared me in a sense. As I've said before here, it's hard to accept the good stuff in life sometimes as much as it is to accept the bad stuff. However, after seeing how tough things can be, I am going to accept and ENJOY the good stuff much, much more. I realize now how good it feels to accept and enjoy.

Anyway, the rest of the day after our talk was awesome. Scott made it romantic, hot, sexy, fun and comfortable. I feel so liberated, so happy, so content and so in love. :-)

Thank You God for hearing my prayers and answering them in ways that are better than I can ever dream.

And thank you Scott for loving me and being the best thing that's ever happened to me. I love you. Forever. ;-)