Post-Op Day 204: Feeling down and frustrated
The scale was back up to 222 from 221.5 yesterday. I have to say it - I am SO DAMN FRUSTRATED!!! I have really focused my efforts and I still can't get out of being stuck!! My 7-month anniversary is next Thursday and, as of now, I have only lost one pound for an entire month.
I know a lot people say, "But my God, you've loss 100+ pounds!" or "Most people only lose a pound or two a month - so you're normal." Well, I understand what is being said, but I need to be understood too. I only have a window of opportunity for this tool to fully work. I want to make the most out of this time and have steady weight loss - that's why I had the surgery. That's why we all have the surgery. If I wanted to lose a pound or two at a time, I wouldn't have had my insides cut on and rearranged - I would have kept floundering with Weight Watchers.
And yes, I am so thankful for the 102 pounds gone. I believe I express that genuine gratitude constantly. However, to be considered a "normal, healthy weight," the least I need to lose is 67 pounds. I had this surgery to get to a normal weight so I can be as healthiest as possible - so I cannot rest on my laurels of 102 pounds. I have to push myself to achieve more. If I just accept 102 pounds, I will never make the most out of this gift I have been given. With this surgery, each month, each week, each day counts if you want to get the most out of your tool.
Sometimes I feel I can only express my frustration here because if I express it elsewhere to people in person, my concerns are usually minimized. It's hurtful actually because I truly want someone to hear what I am saying and just acknowledge my frustration. Doing so won't make me weak or make me have a pity party.
It's saying, "Melissa - I am sure you are frustrated. You did a lot to yourself to be healthy, and I am sure it is scary to be stalled for an entire month when you know you only have a limited open window for weight loss. I know if you keep trying, you're going to get the most out it - regardless of how much your body lets you lose in the end."
I feel panicked in a way. I so want to be a healthy weight. Yes, fitting into smaller clothes and looking better have been amazing side effects. However, it's knowing that with each pound gone, my heart is going to be healthier, my joints are going to feel better and my entire being is, in turn, lightening up and being freed. I am indeed grateful I've come this far. I know this surgery was worth it if I never lost another pound. To have 102 pounds off this frame has helped me in ways that I share repeatedly. Thank you God. I just pray that I do the right things to ensure I keep moving forward. I've come so far and I've done so much to just stall out. I want this to work - I owe it to myself to make it work somehow.
ok I need to go for my morning walk. Today I am going to get my blood tested and then at work I am going to make my appointment with Dr. N for next week. I will discuss my plateau with him. Also, today is our support group meeting at work. I am really looking forward to it. I am so glad we got that started. Each person is very special to me.
God, please bless this day for Scott, Mom, Dad, Granny, my friends, everyone who is on this journey and everyone else in the world. Please bless me too, and help me stay focused and encouraged - even as I feel lost and discouraged.
I know a lot people say, "But my God, you've loss 100+ pounds!" or "Most people only lose a pound or two a month - so you're normal." Well, I understand what is being said, but I need to be understood too. I only have a window of opportunity for this tool to fully work. I want to make the most out of this time and have steady weight loss - that's why I had the surgery. That's why we all have the surgery. If I wanted to lose a pound or two at a time, I wouldn't have had my insides cut on and rearranged - I would have kept floundering with Weight Watchers.
And yes, I am so thankful for the 102 pounds gone. I believe I express that genuine gratitude constantly. However, to be considered a "normal, healthy weight," the least I need to lose is 67 pounds. I had this surgery to get to a normal weight so I can be as healthiest as possible - so I cannot rest on my laurels of 102 pounds. I have to push myself to achieve more. If I just accept 102 pounds, I will never make the most out of this gift I have been given. With this surgery, each month, each week, each day counts if you want to get the most out of your tool.
Sometimes I feel I can only express my frustration here because if I express it elsewhere to people in person, my concerns are usually minimized. It's hurtful actually because I truly want someone to hear what I am saying and just acknowledge my frustration. Doing so won't make me weak or make me have a pity party.
It's saying, "Melissa - I am sure you are frustrated. You did a lot to yourself to be healthy, and I am sure it is scary to be stalled for an entire month when you know you only have a limited open window for weight loss. I know if you keep trying, you're going to get the most out it - regardless of how much your body lets you lose in the end."
I feel panicked in a way. I so want to be a healthy weight. Yes, fitting into smaller clothes and looking better have been amazing side effects. However, it's knowing that with each pound gone, my heart is going to be healthier, my joints are going to feel better and my entire being is, in turn, lightening up and being freed. I am indeed grateful I've come this far. I know this surgery was worth it if I never lost another pound. To have 102 pounds off this frame has helped me in ways that I share repeatedly. Thank you God. I just pray that I do the right things to ensure I keep moving forward. I've come so far and I've done so much to just stall out. I want this to work - I owe it to myself to make it work somehow.
ok I need to go for my morning walk. Today I am going to get my blood tested and then at work I am going to make my appointment with Dr. N for next week. I will discuss my plateau with him. Also, today is our support group meeting at work. I am really looking forward to it. I am so glad we got that started. Each person is very special to me.
God, please bless this day for Scott, Mom, Dad, Granny, my friends, everyone who is on this journey and everyone else in the world. Please bless me too, and help me stay focused and encouraged - even as I feel lost and discouraged.
posted by Melissa :-) @ 6:01 AM
1 Comments:
At July 23, 2005 11:56 AM,
Anonymous said…
I totally acknowledge your frustration, even though I don't live it in the same way you do. You are sooooo entitled to just be down, for whatever the reason!
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