Post-Op Day 202: Striving for change

I don't have a lot of time to write. I need to start getting ready for work. However, I wanted to write a little this a.m.

Last night I think I slapped myself back into reality a little. At least enough to give myself some focus. Since I have been on this plateau (and yes, I am still on it - it was a false alarm a few days ago), I have gotten myself lulled into thinking that this is all there is. Sure it makes me sad, but I think it also gave myself permission to not be as picky about what I am eating.

I didn't realize I was consuming so many carbs until I stopped and paid attention to what I am putting in my mouth. In this journey, I've never been one who is a Carb Nazi. Carbs are important in our lives. However, veggies and fruit need to be our main source. For me, especially lately, I've been very lax about what kinds of carbs I put in my mouth. While I am not sure if this is why my weight is plateauing, I do know by cutting back on them, I will only be doing myself a favor.

The biggest realization last night is that I am eating for satisfaction again instead of eating for nutrition. Now that my menu has opened up to me and I can eat most foods, I am once more looking for pleasure instead of fuel. I remember that was the greatest mind shift for me when I had the surgery - I was approaching food differently. Back then I had to because I couldn't eat what I wanted. I need to get back into that mindset.

I use to tell myself in the early days, "In a year, you can have what you want. Right now, you need to focus on eating for health." I did that so I would not feel so trapped. Generally, when you think you can't have something ever again, you panic and eat way too much of it. This way of thinking helped me realize I wasn't trapped - thus allowing me to focus on what I needed to do.

I don't think I realized I could eat so much variety so soon. Granted, I eat A LOT less than I ever did - and that I am so thankful for. Still, I need to get back that focus I had. So, last night and this morning when I walked I told myself, "You can have what you want when you get to goal. But, for right now, you need to focus on eating healthy."

Once I did that, I again didn't feel so trapped. In my heart, I know (or at least hold out hope) that when I am at goal, I won't want as much "bad" food. Maybe I will, but I will cross that bridge when I get to it.

Right now, I need to push through this plateau and get myself moving again toward goal. I am 67 pounds away. I never dreamed I would get this close again in my life - so I need to remember why I did this surgery and push myself onward and upward.

Fly Butterfly, Fly!

Ouch!
Yesterday I started to have heartburn. It was happening with everytihng I ate. The only thing that has soothed it any was drinking my no-sugar added carnation made with Mootopia from HEB. The heartburn even woke me up last night, and now it is hurting again even as I drink water.

I have done my reading and I understand heartburn is not normal for bypass patients. It's usually a sign of an ulcer. :-( I am going to call Pam the nurse today and tell her what's going on. I dread the thought of being scoped, but it might be what I have to do to get answers.

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Ok I need to go. I want to do some exercises on the Bowflex and then get ready for work. I am eager to get back.