Post-Op Day 194 - Brand new territory!
I’ve still got a way to go on my journey, but I truly am firmly planted in Phase Two. This morning and yesterday morning I was thinking how scary Phase Two is. Being able to shop on the normal side solidifies that fear. I know that may sound strange from someone who is beyond giddy that she fits into many size XLs now.
However, Phase Two brings about brand new territory. I am slowly (or quickly in some ways) becoming “normal” size and my next step is looking “normal.” It will take some time, but there will come a day when I won’t be considered plus sized. My whole identity will shift. It’s hard to even explain it really.
When you’ve been labeled (or perhaps it’s a self-label) in one category for all your life, it’s terrifying that you no longer will belong in that category. Even if it’s a category you’ve wanted to ditch for a long, long time – it’s still what is familiar to you. You wonder where you’ll go and who you will become. I know it sounds melodramatic, but it’s a very real fear.
I am still on a plateau and, in some ways, I think I am holding myself back. I hit my -100 and that was a remarkable achievement for me. But it was still safe in some ways. I am in the 200s weight-wise. I remember being in the 220s in college. Sadly, it was the beginning of the end in a way because from that point on, my weight ballooned.
My next obvious goal is reaching the 100s – or “Onderland” as it is so affectionately called. I think the thought of that is really casting a big shadow on my efforts because the enormity of that victory is unreal to me. I think even being in the 210s is a sticking point for me – the numbers just seem so foreign and new.
When I stop to think how far I’ve come in 27 weeks, it almost blows my mind. 320s, 310s, 300s, 290s, 280s, 270s, 260s, 250s, 240s and 230s. Whew. Incredible!
I am working to move past my hesitations. Today and yesterday, I exercised. Yesterday I walked, did the bowflex and then some squats. I loved how empowered I felt from taking control. This morning I walked the longer route of my neighborhood, and when I am done writing I am going to do some ab crunches. I’ve already done my squats.
In another positive step, I went to my support group meeting yesterday. OMG it was so inspiring and SUCH an ego boost! I got many compliments not only on my appearance but on my writing of all things! WOW! It was wonderful to see Bev again! She had her surgery two days before me and it was AMAZING to see her! She was blown away by me too!
It was also awesome to see Toni there! Her surgery date is August 3. I am so thrilled for her! Her life is going to change in so many ways.
I saw a friend named Paula that I met out dancing one night and shared my story with. I couldn’t believe that she really is in this process! How exciting! I also met a new friend – Misty – from the yahoo group. She was so pretty and effervescent!
Finally, I got to talk with Kimberly – my support group leader. I just love her so much! We are definitely kindred spirits. She is an amazing writing and, even more so, an amazing leader and inspirer. She’s who I want to be. Seriously.
I’ve determined that I would like to make my career one that helps people in this journey. As I think I’ve stated before, I would love to be a motivational writer on this topic. However, if I can’t do that, I would love to do PR and marketing for a bariatric program. Don’t get me wrong – I love my current job and could do it forever if allowed. I LOVE LOVE LOVE the space program. Still, there’s something in me that is calling me in this direction too. Perhaps I will just keep blending it as I am now.
Anyway, Kimberly really humbled me as she told the whole group about my writing. I was floored. As outgoing as I am, I get so embarrassed by the attention. Again, the dichotomy of Melissa. Afterwards, Kimberly told me that she going to talk to the publisher of WLS Lifestyles magazine and suggest they publish my writings. OMG – that would INCREDIBLE! It’s as if God told her my secret desire! I was just thinking the other night while soaking in the tub that I would love to write for them! Please keep your fingers crossed for me!
I wish I could capture just how inspiring Kimberly is! She is just so gorgeous, fit, gentle and motivational. Most of all – she listens with her heart to people and she genuinely cares. She truly is an angel among us!
When I left that meeting, I was so pumped! Then, to go shopping and finally fit into normal-size clothes, I was in pure heaven! To top it off, I had a sexy, revved up hubby waiting for me at home! OOOOOH LA LA! Have I said how much I love Scott before? Hehe We topped the night off with dinner at my favorite Mexican Restaurant and me barely eating my meal! Hehe I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you so much God for the wonderful day of yesterday! It was definitely one I will cherish forever!
This week is also exciting but nerve-wracking to say the least. In two days, NASA’s scheduled to launch Discovery and her STS-114 crew. For two years and almost five months, we’ve been grounded because of the Columbia tragedy. Right now, we have such feeling of hope but you can’t help but feel the fear. Losing the Columbia crew was absolutely devastating. The mourning we went through was unbearable at times. The thought of losing another crew is sickening.
I feel good about this mission, but it still doesn’t erase the linger stress I am feeling. I pray that God blesses this mission and all that are involved. Please note: I don’t know how much I will be writing during this time. I hope that I will be able to keep it up, but we’ll see.
God please bless everyone on every phase of this journey – even those who at this moment have no idea they want/need the surgery. Guide their path.
THANK YOU GOD for these blessings you are giving me in abundance. I never, ever want to take them for granted.
However, Phase Two brings about brand new territory. I am slowly (or quickly in some ways) becoming “normal” size and my next step is looking “normal.” It will take some time, but there will come a day when I won’t be considered plus sized. My whole identity will shift. It’s hard to even explain it really.
When you’ve been labeled (or perhaps it’s a self-label) in one category for all your life, it’s terrifying that you no longer will belong in that category. Even if it’s a category you’ve wanted to ditch for a long, long time – it’s still what is familiar to you. You wonder where you’ll go and who you will become. I know it sounds melodramatic, but it’s a very real fear.
I am still on a plateau and, in some ways, I think I am holding myself back. I hit my -100 and that was a remarkable achievement for me. But it was still safe in some ways. I am in the 200s weight-wise. I remember being in the 220s in college. Sadly, it was the beginning of the end in a way because from that point on, my weight ballooned.
My next obvious goal is reaching the 100s – or “Onderland” as it is so affectionately called. I think the thought of that is really casting a big shadow on my efforts because the enormity of that victory is unreal to me. I think even being in the 210s is a sticking point for me – the numbers just seem so foreign and new.
When I stop to think how far I’ve come in 27 weeks, it almost blows my mind. 320s, 310s, 300s, 290s, 280s, 270s, 260s, 250s, 240s and 230s. Whew. Incredible!
I am working to move past my hesitations. Today and yesterday, I exercised. Yesterday I walked, did the bowflex and then some squats. I loved how empowered I felt from taking control. This morning I walked the longer route of my neighborhood, and when I am done writing I am going to do some ab crunches. I’ve already done my squats.
In another positive step, I went to my support group meeting yesterday. OMG it was so inspiring and SUCH an ego boost! I got many compliments not only on my appearance but on my writing of all things! WOW! It was wonderful to see Bev again! She had her surgery two days before me and it was AMAZING to see her! She was blown away by me too!
It was also awesome to see Toni there! Her surgery date is August 3. I am so thrilled for her! Her life is going to change in so many ways.
I saw a friend named Paula that I met out dancing one night and shared my story with. I couldn’t believe that she really is in this process! How exciting! I also met a new friend – Misty – from the yahoo group. She was so pretty and effervescent!
Finally, I got to talk with Kimberly – my support group leader. I just love her so much! We are definitely kindred spirits. She is an amazing writing and, even more so, an amazing leader and inspirer. She’s who I want to be. Seriously.
I’ve determined that I would like to make my career one that helps people in this journey. As I think I’ve stated before, I would love to be a motivational writer on this topic. However, if I can’t do that, I would love to do PR and marketing for a bariatric program. Don’t get me wrong – I love my current job and could do it forever if allowed. I LOVE LOVE LOVE the space program. Still, there’s something in me that is calling me in this direction too. Perhaps I will just keep blending it as I am now.
Anyway, Kimberly really humbled me as she told the whole group about my writing. I was floored. As outgoing as I am, I get so embarrassed by the attention. Again, the dichotomy of Melissa. Afterwards, Kimberly told me that she going to talk to the publisher of WLS Lifestyles magazine and suggest they publish my writings. OMG – that would INCREDIBLE! It’s as if God told her my secret desire! I was just thinking the other night while soaking in the tub that I would love to write for them! Please keep your fingers crossed for me!
I wish I could capture just how inspiring Kimberly is! She is just so gorgeous, fit, gentle and motivational. Most of all – she listens with her heart to people and she genuinely cares. She truly is an angel among us!
When I left that meeting, I was so pumped! Then, to go shopping and finally fit into normal-size clothes, I was in pure heaven! To top it off, I had a sexy, revved up hubby waiting for me at home! OOOOOH LA LA! Have I said how much I love Scott before? Hehe We topped the night off with dinner at my favorite Mexican Restaurant and me barely eating my meal! Hehe I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you so much God for the wonderful day of yesterday! It was definitely one I will cherish forever!
This week is also exciting but nerve-wracking to say the least. In two days, NASA’s scheduled to launch Discovery and her STS-114 crew. For two years and almost five months, we’ve been grounded because of the Columbia tragedy. Right now, we have such feeling of hope but you can’t help but feel the fear. Losing the Columbia crew was absolutely devastating. The mourning we went through was unbearable at times. The thought of losing another crew is sickening.
I feel good about this mission, but it still doesn’t erase the linger stress I am feeling. I pray that God blesses this mission and all that are involved. Please note: I don’t know how much I will be writing during this time. I hope that I will be able to keep it up, but we’ll see.
God please bless everyone on every phase of this journey – even those who at this moment have no idea they want/need the surgery. Guide their path.
THANK YOU GOD for these blessings you are giving me in abundance. I never, ever want to take them for granted.
posted by Melissa :-) @ 7:14 AM
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